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Adulting

The Reality of a Working Mother

And the guilt that comes with it.

Katy Messina

Oct 26, 2020

National Storytellers Society

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Being a parents isn't easy. In society it is normal to see the dad working and the mom staying home with the kids. It's portrayed this way in literature, television, and movies. I'm not saying it is this way for everyone, because it's not. However, it is definitely the majority of what we see. When you deviate from that majority you are open to a new set of struggles. Not harder, not easier, but different.

There are never enough hours in a day

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I feel like I am going from sun up to sun down every day. My day starts at 5 am and ends around 10 pm. In that time there are lessons to upload, homework to do, lunches to pack, and if I'm lucky some time to spend with my husband. The weekends always go by too quickly. I love my job, but working full time and being a parent is like working two full time jobs.

Self Care Isn't Selfish

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs from Pexels

The mom guilt is real. You see it everyday. Viral posts on Facebook telling you that the real mothers are those without their hair and nails done. Other moms shaming you for having the audacity to go out without your children when you already work away from them 40 hours a week. Girl, take care of yourself. You can't give to others without giving to yourself first. Eventually, there's no more to give. Even with a supportive partner, having children is rough. My personal version of self care is hiring a housekeeper to come biweekly. Wash your face, get your hair done, get a manicure or pedicure, take a long bubble bath. Do something to take care of you.

There aren't many Mommy and Me events

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We live on an Army post. The MWR does several events for toddlers and younger children and they are all almost exclusively during the day. It can feel very isolated when you're at work during these events and they don't have them for after work. I feel like my kids are missing out because I've chosen to have a career, which isn't true, but it feels that way a lot of the time.

Sometimes my class gets the best of me.

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There are some days when I feel like my students get the best of my patience, my humor, and my energy. Then, there isn't much left for my own children. It's days like this when I feel like because I have a career that I am failing as a parent. I have an awesome support system who have to constantly remind me that I'm not. I find myself saying, "I'll do better tomorrow," A LOT. In order to combat this I make scheduling quality time a priority. We have movie nights on Friday. Family fun days. I try to make sure I physically connect with each child at least a few times a day. I make it a priority to listen to them even when it's the last thing I want to do. (My eight year old can talk, a lot.) Even when I feel like I have nothing left to give, I try to make them a priority.

Family is the most important thing

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I work in order to provide a good life for my children. I work so my husband doesn't carry the burden of caring for us financially alone. I work because I love what I do. This doesn't make me a bad mother. Staying home with your children doesn't make you a bad mother. My family is one of the most important things in the world to me. My family just doesn't stop at my husband and children. It extends to my students and coworkers as well. It boils down to the mom shaming has to stop. Let's give options to all parents. Stay at home moms. Working moms. Stay at home dads. Families are not a one size fits all.

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Recommended for you

The Reality of a Working Mother

And the guilt that comes with it.

There are never enough hours in a day

Self Care Isn't Selfish

There aren't many Mommy and Me events

Sometimes my class gets the best of me.

Family is the most important thing

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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