When I first tell people I don't want kids, I'm generally told two different replies:
Oh, you'll probably change your mind later
Why are you working in childcare and child education?
It's a weird situation, I'll admit. The girl who dislikes children works with them for five hours a day as a teacher, a role model, a caretaker... The list could go on. The girl who dislikes children often offers to take babies from the hips of other teachers to give them a break, who sits with children on the playground and talks to them about what they're doing after school and if they're having a good time at swim practice.
Saying I only dislike children would be a lie. I like them for the majority of the five hours I spend with them, but after that, I'm glad they're off of my shoulders. I'm glad that I don't have to go home with them and listen to the crying, the tantrums, the complaining that follows them. I don't have to take care of diapers or change clothes at home. I don't have to baby-proof my house in order to keep a small being alive and unharmed. Basically, they're okay when they aren't my child.
Children aren't easy in any way shape or form. They aren't easy and there's no way to deny that statement unless it's a lie. As someone who has worked with children for over ten years, practically when I was still a child, I've registered that children are a lot of work and parents are absolute superheroes. They're miracle workers, they're stars, they're the best.
That being said, I don't feel like I need to be a star or a miracle worker, and I definitely means I don't think I need to be the best because I really really really don't want a child.
Only turning nineteen a couple of weeks ago, I've known that kids were not my forte ever since I was little. When I was in elementary school I was always insistent on adopting a child instead of having one of my own, and as I got older the idea of adopting turned from getting a baby to an older kid, then to none at all. Kids are great for some people! Kids are really amazing and great for some people, but that's never something I've wanted with my life.
Some of the people that have grown up beside me when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up said mothers. They didn't say they wanted to be businesswomen, engineers, firefighters, world travelers, adventurers, doctors, veterinarians, the list could go on. They said mothers, they wanted to spend their lives becoming stay at home moms and quite frankly that always boggled me. I was always astonished to hear that these girls wanted to throw their lives away to spend all day at home raising these children instead of becoming their own person, developing and working hard to change the world and empower themselves.
I understand that everyone is different, but I still could never find myself sitting at home as a stay at home mom. I could never see myself letting my husband or my significant other bring home all of the money. I could never see myself falling into the role of a housewife that comes with the job of a stay at home mom, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the everything.
I could never because I need my own independence. I need to have a salary of my own that I can control, I need to have shared responsibilities. First of all, I can't cook, so that immediately puts that department on halt, I can't clean for the life of me… So really all I'd be doing is the laundry to a somewhat acceptable degree, and I can't even really fold clothes! I'd be a terrible mom because I can't do half the things a mom is supposed to do.
Kids are practically an investment. They cost a lot of money from the hospital bill from birth to supplying them with toys and food and diapers all the way up to paying for their college education when they turn eighteen (and we all know that amount of money is getting drastically higher by the second…). Kids cost a lot of money and there's no way around it. They're an extra seat on the plane, or two or three, depending on how many kids you have. They're extra food costs, a whole new set of clothes, and because they're growing you're constantly buying new clothes to fit them. You have to buy them things that you don't want them to, you have to buy them absolute junk because they see it as the coolest thing in the whole entire world only for them to get uninterested in them the next day. Kids cost a lot of money.
As someone who wants to go and travel the world, a kid doesn't fit the lifestyle I want to have. Kids don't fit with the heavy traveling lifestyle and the up and go action that I want to live in. I don't want to spend my time falling behind on my own life and my own experiences to take care of a child, especially one that won't even remember those trips until they're five or six or even older. A child would hold me back from doing the things that I want to do. I don't want my life to revolve around a child, simple as that.
Some people would call me selfish for not wanting to be a mother. Some people would say that I'm wasting my life because I don't want to spend the majority of my life raising a child and they're more than welcome to feel that way but I don't feel bad at all in my viewpoint. I want to live my life for myself, I can never see myself actively having a child of my own because that's not something I've ever desired.
I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of taking care of children and yes there are a lot of goods and a lot of bads but neither of those have fully swayed my opinion and my decision. My decision to have kids is my own. I don't care what other people think, I really don't. It's my body that would be the one going through the pregnancy, it's my life that would be changed for forever by raising a child. People are welcome to think whatever they want but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want any sort of fetus growing in my uterus, ever.
Despite the massive amounts of work that come with raising a child, there's more than that that keeps me from wanting to have children or be a mother. I personally don't feel like I would be the best mother possible. I don't have a very nurturing personality. I don't have this overwhelming kindness that mothers seem to have. I don't feel like I would give this unconditional love to a child no matter what their situation, I honestly don't and that's fine. I would run my house like a drill sergeant and I wouldn't be able to handle the unnecessary screaming.
I've thought about it a lot and I could never imagine my child being a below perfect student. As someone who did well in school, if my child brought home C's, I'd feel so worthless. I'd feel like a failure and I'd set these unrealistic expectations onto a child who wouldn't deserve that. No child deserves to have that kind of pressure on them, but as someone who wants everything to be perfect, I don't think I could easily accept that kind of fate. Parents have to have the ability to adapt and improvise to help a child be the best person that they can be. I just couldn't handle that.
I don't want to be a mother. I really don't want my life to be filled with raising a child. I would much rather spend my life traveling with someone that I loved instead of putting in so much effort into someone else. To some people, motherhood is a no brainer, but to me, it's the complete opposite.
Am I welcome to change my mind in the future? Absolutely! Does that take away how I felt at this exact moment? Absolutely not.
Either way, the idea of motherhood and having a child are my decisions to take. I don't want to be a mother. I don't want to have kids. Plain and simple there isn't a doubt in my mind at this moment that my future doesn't have kids of my own in it.
Not every girl wants to become a mom, and I'm one of them. I'm not destroying the planet by not repopulating, I'm not being selfish. I just want to live my life for me and for no one else.