The 20 Most Savage Shakespearean Insults That Will Have Thou Crying

The 20 Most Savage Shakespearean Insults That Will Have Thou Crying

He was the father of English, epitome of high school literature class... and also the king of savagery.

William Shakespeare. We all know him. He's the founder of our early modern English, not to mention he has invented over 1,700 words of the English language. He has also made the lives of high schoolers everywhere as miserable as they could possibly be with his impossible use of ancient English and depressing endings to plays. Nonetheless, if there is anything that helps us get through an hour of decoding Shakespeare, it's his hilarious, hysterical, uproarious and never-ceasing amusing insults! I decided to compile a list of Shakespeare's top 20 insults that we need to start using on a daily basis.

1. "Poisonous bunch-backed toad!"

2. "More of your conversation would infect my brain."

Our equivalent of saying, "If I talk to you, I'll lose the already-little brain cells I have."

3.“The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril”

4. “There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.”

Pull yourself together. Shakespeare thinks you're worse than soup.

5."The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes."

Ouch. He just compared you to grapes.

6. “Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!”

He went there. He just called you a Spanish pouch.

7. "A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality."

This should be an Instagram bio.

8. “I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.”

You're not worthy of his hands. Peasant.

9. "You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness."

Oh yeah? Well... you have such an... August face, so full of .... heat, of sun and more sun? I don't know how Shakespeare did it.

10. “Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.”

11. "Villain, I have done thy mother."

Shakespeare basically founded "yo mama" jokes.

12. “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.”

13. "O you beast! I'll so maul you and your toasting-iron, That you shall think the devil has come from hell."

You better hide your toasting-iron.

14."I do desire that we may be better strangers."

He might have well said, "It's not you. It's me."

15. "Away, you three-inch fool."

16.“You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!”

When you run out of logic so you just put together the vilest things possible into one sentence.

17. "Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows."

Hah. You have no brain just like I have my elbows. Logic? Nope. Hilarious? YES!

18. “Thou art unfit for any place but hell.”

19. "Methink'st thou art a general offense and every man should beat thee."

Such a simple insult for such a complex world. I love it.

20. "Thou art as fat as butter."

You just got buttered.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia

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'Grey's Anatomy' Has Gone Downhill, There, I Said It

Yes, I still watch it every week. Yes, it makes me sad.

Yes, I've said it. Now in it's 14th season of the show, "Grey's Anatomy" is beginning to show their age.

In the beginning, "Grey's" was new and exciting. A series focused entirely on a group of interns at Seattle Grace Memorial, and how they were going to navigate between the medical world and their (almost) nonexistent personal lives.

Dynamite characters like Christina Yang and Meredith Grey lit up the screen, and made you almost feel so bad for them that you couldn't wait to see the next horrible thing happen. In newer episodes, it feels like the writers are grasping at any interesting or controversial story line they can doctor up.

Over the course of 14 seasons, there are going to be major cast changes. There have been so many characters run their story, then are booted off. Trying to find an emotionally appealing character has become unbearable.

Not only have the characters changed, but the replacement characters are subpar. None of the modern interns can compare to the puppy-like O'Malley, or make you laugh like Christina, or annoy you like Izzie. Over the 14 seasons, these characters have come, and gone, and taken the drama with them.

Modern seasons are trying so hard to continue a pattern that "Grey's" itself created. In an attempt to keep the audience on the edge of their seats, "Grey's Anatomy" has killed off some of the most binge-worthy characters. Rather than having each episode more exciting and surgery-driven than the other, the new seasons of "Grey's" drag out each story line, to try and attach you to these new, random characters.

On top of all of that, they killed off McDreamy.

Now, let's be honest, McDreamy was problematic at times. Now, we ignore that because he was Meredith's one true love! It seems in the newest seasons that Meredith just can't catch a break, because after years of fighting for him, McDreamy was once again gone; and this time, Meredith can't win him back.

With the new announcement of Sarah Drew and Jessica Capshaw, April Kepner and Arizona Robbins respectively, leaving the "Grey's" family, this is just another step in the death of the series.

As much as I've loved watching, and re-watching, the series, it's sad to see "Grey's" turn into the melodramatic series it is from the stunning night-time entertainment it was.

But, as Christina Yang would say:

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Iced Earth: 'Burnt Offerings' Album Review

'Burnt Offerings' is Iced Earth’s magnum opus thanks to its impressive musicianship and brilliant songwriting


Jon Schaffer - Rhythm Guitar / Vocals

Randall Shawver - Lead Guitar

Matthew Barlow - Lead Vocals

Dave Abell - Bass Guitar

Rodney Beasley - Drums

Additional info:

Recorded at Morrisound Studios, Tampa, Florida.

Produced by Jon Schaffer and Tom Morris.

Year: 1995

Album Length: 52:39

Genre: Thrash Metal, Power Metal

Label: Century Media


Burnt Offerings is the third album by American power metal band Iced Earth. After a three year hiatus, Iced Earth comes back in full force. Iced Earth decided to adjust their lineup for the third time. Lead vocalist John Greely has been replaced by the legendary Matt Barlow and drummer Rick Secchiari has been replaced by Rodney Beasley. This makes the third vocalist and drummer in three albums for the band. These changes would prove to be the most important in the band's decision because it gave way for Matt Barlow to add his incredible vocal range on this record.

The Good:

Schaffer takes his songwriting to a whole new level on this record. Iced Earth had gone through some difficulties over the past 3 years, regarding differences with their label and between some band members which resulted in the angriest, the darkest and the heaviest songs that Schaffer has ever composed. Schaffer still maintains the beautiful acoustic sections and melody within the music though demonstrating his composing abilities further.

Matt Barlow is one of the best metal vocalists of all time. He immediately gave Iced Earth power, emotion, range, and variation that many vocalists can only dream of having. His voice added a new dimension to Iced Earth that took them from being a good band to an incredible one.

This is definitely the heaviest album in Iced Earth's discography. Burnt Offerings is a thrash metal album with some power metal tendencies. The amount of speed and aggression on this record is simply unmatched by other Iced Earth records.

The Bad:

There are no major weaknesses with this record.

Favorite Tracks:

Track 1: Burnt Offerings

I love the dark atmosphere of the track. It really sets the mood of the entire record. It begins with a slow and eerie opening, but soon completely changes tempo to a very thrash oriented sound. The vocals immediately stand out from previous albums with lower growl-like vocals and Barlow's powerful vocals. The riffs are fast paced when they need to be and slower during the more melodic parts. The track also utilizes acoustic passages to balance between the band's heaviness and melodious sound. The guitar solo is a welcome addition that only adds to an already brilliant opener.

Track 3: Diary

I love the heavy opening with its slow chugging guitar. It sets the dark tone of the entire track. The atmospheric element of this album is really what helps it stand out from other albums within the genre and there is no shortage of atmosphere on this track. I love the drumming on this track as well. Barlow's vocals are absolutely fantastic thanks to his utilization of different styles of vocals delivery. "Diary" is another standout from this fantastic record.

Track 6: Creator Failure

Barlow's voice is fantastic thanks to the power behind his brilliant delivery. The track changes pace and tone throughout its run-time. I love many of the different riffs that are utilized during the track as well as the fantastic guitar solos within the song. The song has such a fantastic mix of emotions between somber emotion and darker moods within its different sections. This is certainly one of Iced Earth's most unique tracks that they have ever written.

Track 8: Dante’s Inferno

"Dante's Inferno" is the band's most well-written song that they have ever composed. The song takes us through the Nine Planes of Hell for sixteen minutes, each plane has something new and demonic in store for the listener. Not only does this track contain terrific lyricism, it also contains an immense amount of well-written music. The song has a very unique song structure, contains many time changes, and has twists and turns at every corner. Schaffer proved that he is one of the greatest songwriters in metal history thanks to this terrific masterpiece. This is still the band's greatest composition to this day.

Rating Scale:

1: Garbage

1.5: Awful

2: Bad

2.5: Mixed

3: Decent

3.5: Good

4: Great

4.5: Excellent

5: Perfect


Burnt Offerings displays a large amount of heaviness, power, and emotion that many metal albums would be hard-pressed to achieve. The songwriting is as good as it gets in both the thrash and power metal genres and the performances from the members of the band are spectacular. Burnt Offerings is a true masterpiece that is basically perfect from beginning to end.


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