This all started at a journalism convention. Yep, I was drawing when I was supposed to be writing. Again. Seems like a common theme in my life.
However, this time around, it yielded some pretty cool results.
Originally, the assignment had been to write about your identity. It was to write about who you are or who you were. I don't remember all of the details, but I do remember being handed a sheet with a list of a few dozen or so questions asking about my identity.
"Where do you live?" "What language do you speak?" "What is your favorite scent?"
The questions were supposed to be a starting point and we were supposed to branch off. I answered all the questions and elaborated as much as possible, but I still felt I wasn't fulfilling the assignment. Logically, the only solution I had in my head was to bust out the G2s and markers and draw.
In the beginning, it was just some doodle with the words "MORE THAN" plastered where my eyes should've been. After I spent a few minutes doing the line art, I realized I had managed to avoid answering the larger question. I read it over a couple times and hoped that it would spark something in me.
"Who are you?"
To hell if I know who I am! I'm still in high school, barely able to answer when people ask what I want for breakfast. The question itself was so broad, so vague. Especially because we are all multifaceted people, it's not like I could answer this in a sentence. So, because I found it difficult to answer it all by myself, I had other people help me out.
I asked over 90 people—myself, friends, family, teachers, coaches, competitors, and the like—to describe me in five words. Limiting, I know, but I was curious to see a) what people thought of me and b) how they would work around the word limit. I let them answer in phrases or lists or however they wanted to go about it.
I started creating this project at a time where I found it increasingly difficult to look in the mirror because I hated to see the person on the other side. To answer the question of who I am, or was, meant I had to look at myself holistically and to not let my thoughts about myself detract from the image I wanted to create. And all that negativity doesn't really vibe with the bright yellow, y'know?
Thankfully, this project was probably the most effective way of getting me out of that rut. At the end of it all, I felt a thousand times better and I created a pretty cool self-portrait.
People commonly gave me really nice words. I think the top three were: intelligent, creative, and ambitious. It may've been more interesting to have people fill out an anonymous form to see if that would change results, but it's too late for that now. Maybe another time.
Thanks to the wonderful people that contributed a few words each, at least 500 fill up the blank space in the background. They explain everything that I could not about myself.
And, inevitably, this became more than just a few handful of words scattered across a sheet of paper. It became a response to the people who have reduced me to a palm's worth of words yet led me to believe they thought more. It's to the ones who made me feel worthless despite constantly giving me compliments. It's to the ones who served me beautifully plated bullshit. Honestly, you probably don't know who you are, but maybe you will one day.
Here's to y'all:
I am more than your sweet words that were made of empty, meaningless letters. The countless flowers you sent my way were not enough to disguise the scent you left on me. I am more than you think. The image of me that I put out—a speaker, an artist, a writer—it hardly encompasses the person I am. I am more than you think. I am more than enough.
I am More Than.
