You know what bothers me?

Morality.

Strange, right? I am bothered by morality. I am also confused by morality, angered by morality, saddened by morality, broken by it, encouraged by it; basically, it’s just one big paradox that I consider a part of myself, though, sometimes, I want no part of.

Because there is always an argument going on inside of me.

And, no, I am not talking about making one good decision over a lesser one—I am talking about the intellectual and heartfelt push and pull of trying to figure out “why?”

That’s the question, isn’t it? Why?

I have been trying to figure out if people are inherently good, honestly evil, or just selfish.

Yes, selfish.

And, if everything we do stems from you or I merely thinking of ourselves.

And, if there are times when being selfish is “moral.”

And, if it really matters anyway if everyone just goes about surviving, thinking about themselves first.

Survival in itself is an act of selfishness, isn’t it? We obviously care about ourselves enough to stay alive, to eat, sleep, breathe, work to continue counting birthdays.

But, then, I’ve always considered death selfish, too. Not just funerals, or grief, or dying of old age… Death that comes from a decision. (Obviously, murder is selfish—it’s a complete act of disregard for another life.)

Life is hard.

Not just survival, but living life. It’s insurmountable.

So.... to kill yourself, for anyone to commit suicide, is the greatest form of selfishness. But why?

WHY ON EARTH WOULD THEY FEEL THE NEED TO GO THAT FAR?

I’ll tell you why:

because of the selfish way that every other person on this planet goes through life.

So which is it? Which is right?

Is there a right or wrong?

Existence comes not of ourselves, so how do we come up with a standard?

With any kind of standard?

Think about it: something that someone does may be a good decision to them, because it benefits them somehow, but it may look like a bad decision to you because it affected you negatively somehow, but really, you’re both just being selfish.

That’s why perspective is so important.

Look at something, anything, even if you don’t understand, from someone else’s point of view, and it may surprise you what conclusions you come to. You still may not agree with or condone or hold the same opinion as the opposite party, but just taking time, looking at, and trying to understand is an act of unselfishness. And it could cause you to change the way you think or choose or go about deciding in the future…

I do not believe that there can be a universal consensus about anything, other than we are all trying to survive, but there are beliefs, opinions, personal morals, studies in ethics, religion, general unselflessness that can help in our plight, but because of all of this, morality’s existence becomes fickle. No one on earth can accurately say “this is right” and “this is wrong.”

This is the argument. This is why my “moral compass” shall never collect dust. Because I have one, we all have one, and they all seem to point different directions, and so we all question true North and its existence. This is why I ask if there can be a good form of selfishness. This is why I often become frustrated and wish I didn’t care so much and could just be selfish and go with the natural way of things.

I can’t—I won’t.

And this is what I have to say about education, about politics, about relationships, about money, about religion, about emotions, about most of the prominent issues in today’s life.

Because we are not entitled.

(I also must disclaim that to point all of this out is selfish—that it may look like a step toward the common good or longterm benefits of mankind or whatever, but really, isn't that just to improve quality of life) So, again, what is the standard?