Hey guys, it’s me: your neighborhood 20-something-year-old mom. As someone who has a baby still under a year old I thought now would be the time to address a few things about #momlife that you may not be clued in one. Sure, everyone LOVES telling you a scary, outlandish, “it could happen” story to prepare you, but that isn’t my goal. My goal in this post is to set you, your expectant friends, whoever, up for success as a new parent. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have tactless honesty and a passion for helping others.

Before we get started with the subjects we’ll be covering today, I want to say that I do not speak for anyone but myself and my experiences and as we all know (or should) parenthood is different for everyone. Let’s begin, shall we?

“They mean well…” Everyone is going to give you advice on how to raise your offspring. Sometimes it’s charming “tried and true” remedies for bug bites, other times it’s angry, in-your-face judgement. A good rule of thumb for both parents and non-parents seeking to give advice is to not give advice unless you’re asked your opinion, what you’ve dealt with, or if the person you’re conversing with is confiding in you. Advice is a tricky thing, it’s both to be ignored and not taken lightly. But essentially it boils down to this: do what is right for your family, as long as a doctor doesn’t tell you that you’re endangering your child you’re probably fine.

“Get some sleep!” Moms would love some sleep, Dads would too. Being a parent is a terribly trying thing, especially the first few months. Sleep is precious little, the baby is still adjusting to life outside the womb, parents are learning on the fly (even if they’ve done it before, every baby is different), bills still need to be paid, Moms bleed so incredibly much and are sore, not to mention all the good things that are beautiful but just as tiring. Please, if you’re an expecting parent or know someone who is, lean on your support system. I know you don’t want to leave your tiny human even for a second, but let someone that you trust come babysit while you sleep. I know you’re wired from being on edge but try to relax and let people help you.

“You should be happy, look at him/her!” Moms, you’re not going to be happy every moment of the day. The hospital staff will try to mention the “baby blues” to you so that you’re aware of what they are, but they don’t even cover the tip of the iceberg. Hormones, a changing body, a new addition, a crippling sense of responsibility, fear that you’re not doing things right, and so many other things will make post-partum depression a very real, very dangerous thing. Get help. Personally I found being a tiny bit “selfish” helped: find time/someone to help you while you eat a treat, do your makeup, read a book, maybe take a nap. And Dads, please be patient, things that you want to help with can’t always be helped, but continue trying because that helps immeasurably (even if she can’t express that). A lot of parents are unwilling to even admit that they have bad days, but trust me: for every Instagram smile there’s a couple of real life meltdowns.

“You’ve changed!” I hear this phrase a lot from people that weren’t my closest friends, but they were in my friend group. They’re right. I have changed. Every person, parent or not, changes throughout their life. If you’re not changing, you’re not growing. Growing as a person is what makes life beautiful and worth living. As a parent you grow to love another being more than you ever thought humanly possible. People will tell you that in so many words. You’ll miss the freedom that came from not being a parent on some level but not nearly enough to trade your tiny human. That little person with terrible gas will be the best thing ever.

You’re going to encounter many things as a mom; I can’t even begin to list them all. These are the ones I wish I had read before I had my baby. You’d think with all of the obsessive google searches that I would have found all the answers to everything ever. A few other things of note that don’t warrant paragraphs: you will freak out over nothing at some point and rush your baby to the hospital, after giving birth you will bleed seemingly endlessly (steal the mesh panties from the hospital), and it’s okay to yell. I hope this article has been helpful to both moms and non-parents. I know that I felt like I was blindsided by things, especially postpartum issues. Maybe after reading this article, not as many people will be in the dark about these things.