Ah, Glee. Did you almost forget about it? Airing for the first time in 2009, my 10-year-old self was quick to jump on a dramatic, singing-based show of high schoolers duking it out in a choir room.
After recently listening to the soundtrack (let's be real, I had to skip any Finn solos for emotional reasons), I really started pondering the plot line of Glee. By pondering, I mean questioning the plot devices used to move the story along. Did the characters in this show forget they're like, sophomores?
what 16 year old has this body.media0.giphy.com
Glee was the FOUNDATION for the Riverdale cringe that we all see today. If y'all thought the sophomores fighting crime, catching murderers
and having sexual relations aggressively in Riverdale was bad, you NEVER took a visit to McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio. When I revisited this series a little over a year ago, I would pause the show to recover from the ridiculousness that took place.
Please join me, as we go through the problematic, unrealistic, preposterous, and ABSURD moments from Glee. In no particular order, let's just take a deep breath as we realize how many strange things we missed.
When Finn saw Jesus in his grilled cheeseGiphy
??????????? When I rewatched this episode, I actually was aghast. I am DEAD. He makes a grilled cheese, it gives him alleged good luck due to Jesus' face in the bread, and that's that! He is a raging Christian. I get it Finn -- whenever I don't absolutely bomb an exam, I, too, plan my next church visit. But it was just ridiculous. Finn goes FULL ON religious, but once he realizes it's really not a lucky piece of grilled cheese, he is OUT. And then that's that. Alright.
Jesse St. James looking like a fully grown adultGiphy
I am in love with Jesse St. James, or Jonathan Groff (Broadway actor wonder boy). I'm not sure if it's because of my deeply rooted issues with being in love with bad boy men that surely are going to backstab me and hurt me, or just that his voice sounds like smooth caramel, or because when Finn was being a softie lame boy, Jesse swept Rachel off her feet, BUT I LOVE HIM. Except, he looks so old lol. I know, I know, ALL of the characters look too old to be in high school, but c'mon. Jesse looks like he could be a teacher there. I honestly did him justice because I picked a gif that shows him looking quite young. Jesse "St Perfect", which is what Glee fans did call him, could be the 5th year in college that freshman year Me falls in love with, but he uses me and leaves me for LA. I love you.
Becky brings a gun to schoolGiphy
Okay, so this episode was relevant and an emotional one. There was a threat of a school shooting, it turned out to be Becky, and Sue covered for her. That's fine, no issues there I guess -- but it was NEVER discussed AGAIN. Ever. That episode came up during my binge-watching and I was so shook, because it was glossed over. Ryder or whatever his name was confessed to quite deep issues, we find out his cat fish, and life moved on. Ok? So both Sue and Becky are good? Alrighty then.
Kitty makes Marley bulimic, then they're friendsGiphy
Okay, this is later in Glee when it "got bad" so I don't blame you if you're confused. Kitty was some replacement Quinn, but she was actually mean and not in a cool edgy classy way like Q. She didn't like Marley, the new Rachel (once again, poor replacement), so she teaches her how to throw up while shrinking her costumes in Grease. Then, they logically are friends. ????????? ???? ? ???? OKAY? Are we all good with this? Yes? Ok.
Rocky Horror episodeGiphy
Don't get me wrong, I love Rocky Horror. I think it's a very niche and unique show! Yes! Love the music. However, how on God's green EARTH is a public high school letting sophomore to seniors perform this? I went to a Christian private school, and I know that isn't the same as a public Ohio high school, but regardless, we had to cut mostly ANY inappropriate or sexual content. Yet Will Schuester -- and OH we will GET TO HIM -- is in love with Emma and because her cool boyfriend (John Stamos <3333) takes her to the show a lot, he's like yep, let me use my students and sexualize them because I want her. ? OK? AND THE SCHOOL BOARD ALLOWS IT?
Will Schuester in generalGiphy
Honestly, it was wrong of me to pick this gif. I'm trying to write this roast of Mr. Schue but actually, this scene really tore me apart when I rewatched it.
Get it together Alice you NEED to be heartless
Okay, so first of all, early on in the show Mr. Schue would just jump into rap -- I just feel like I, a former thespian, would be unwell if my teachers were like "HIT IT" and started rapping. Unwell. So also, let's unpack how he BLACKMAILS FINN TO JOIN GLEE WITHOUT FINN KNOWING TILL LIKE, GRADUATION? I rewatched that and realized how lowkey crazy he can be. Mr. Schue gets quite stuck in the past, reminiscing over his Glee glory days, and I get it. I'm not perfect. But I also know that blackmailing isn't a good idea. Also, when he was pining over Emma, he was borderline obsessive, messing with her relationship with <3 John Stamos <3 and idk just overall being way too pushy with her.
Mercedes being in love with KurtGiphy
So early on in this show, we see that Mercedes has some feelings for Kurt. Even though he just clearly is not straight. I just feel like it is very obvious. Anyway, Mercedes thinks Kurt likes Rachel and is MAD and thEN IT GETS BETTER WHEN she finds out he's gay! Instead of taking that to heart, moving on and sending good vibes, because as a high schooler with aggressive bullies, surely it's hard to be gay, she sings Bust The Windows Out Your Car and smashes his car? I guess? What was up with that.
Mercedes also making a tater tot revolutionGiphy
Okay, so in the show, Mercedes makes a bop for regionals
which Mr. Schue shoots down called Hell to the No. If you recall, a line from this was They tried to take away my tots, I said hell to the no. Remember when she legit had an uprising for a couple of scenes because Sue understandably wanted to make the cafeteria healthier to fight obesity? Look, I'm no health saint. I UberEatsMcDonald's every weekend, I obsess over food videos on FB -- I love a good greasy snack. But bruhhhhh who WROTE INTO THE SCRIPT Mercedes on the lunch table screaming about tater tots? I surely didn't. It was weird and she really deserved better.
And as an honorary mention, this is just my favorite one:
Glee, never change, but also, what on EARTH was this show?
At least Rachel marries Jesse in the end