Get good grades. Be a good friend. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. You set the example. These are just a few of the many things that older siblings hear on a regular basis. I used to think that eventually, these rules wouldn’t apply to me. I wouldn’t have to be the example anymore. My brother wouldn’t need my help. He is a smart kid; he should be able to figure it out. Right? Well, my brother isn’t a “kid” anymore. At almost seventeen years old and six feet tall, he is hardly a kid. How and when exactly did he stop being a kid and become a teenager or maybe even… *gulps* a young adult?
I had to reflect on some of these ideas after I realized I had failed my brother as an older sister. Let me give you some background. I had just gotten home from college for summer break. I hadn’t seen my brother in a few months and, as most teenagers do, he had grown and changed significantly in that short amount of time. We were in the car on our way to dinner when the light hit his face just right, revealing tufts of blond hair on his upper lip and chin. I made a joking comment about the blond facial hair he was growing and he beamed proudly, stroking an imaginary beard. I didn’t realize the importance of what I said next. In the spirit of joking about facial hair I also made a comment about the blond hair that was now visible between his eyebrows and joked about him having a blond unibrow only visible in the sunlight. We all had a good laugh and I didn’t think anything of it until last night.
My brother and I were sitting outside by our fire pit when he admitted to trying to shave off his unibrow with our dad’s razor. It was then that I realized I had failed him as an older sister. My heart sank and I started to feel tears well-up in my eyes. What I had said made him insecure about the way he looked. That’s all it took. One little lighthearted joke. I had no idea how powerful my words would be. He has always been my little brother, but I forgot the fact that he wasn’t so little anymore. He has his own insecurities and changes that come with being a teenager.
The last thing I would ever want to do is make him feel like anything less than the amazing young man he is, but that is exactly what I did. I need to face the fact that I truly do set the example for him and that my words, my opinions, my actions are so much more important than I ever realized. This older sibling responsibility thing never ends. Thankfully, this means we have the opportunity to grow and improve. In that moment I had failed as an older sister. Now this doesn’t mean I wont ever make mistakes again. And it definitely doesn’t mean that I have figured it all out. What It does mean is that I am one more step closer to being the best sister I can possibly be.
