Almost all of my life I never truly focused on myself and put myself first. When I wanted to do something, the first thing that would come to my mind would be, "How would they feel if I do this?" Having this thought process for 19 years, I ended up bringing myself down a lot more than it should have been happening; I made myself sick physically from stress and mentally from not realizing what was hurting me. If I was the one who needed help, I would not ask for help; I never liked asking for help because I did not want to feel like a form of a burden. Yes, I know that sounds a little odd, but that is how I felt, and yes I still do feel like that a little bit. Now, for the first time, this morning, I was told that the reason why is because I think with too much emotion than logic, and I have too much pride to ask for anything. Finally, I decided to choose myself over anyone else.
I am not afraid to say that I do have some issues going on in my life, but they are being taken care of. That is what matters to me in my life at the moment, I cannot focus on my job if cannot take care of myself first.
Today, I dropped my position as a Resident Assistant for my dormitory hall. The semester has already started and it has only been four weeks since classes started, and I am already stressed. I was recently offered the position, I said yes to taking it, but after only four days, it became too much and overwhelming for me; having to move my belongings did not help much either. Within these four days, I was already forgetting about myself, I did not want to let anyone down. I did not want to give them a reason to hate me, but if they do end up hating me, then that is not my problem because it is their opinion and it should not affect me or what I do.
Once I resigned from the position, it felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was not bad and it was not scary, it felt good. I realized where I can go if I need any help with anything. Now I have the ability to work on myself which matters the most to me.
