Dear Mom,
This past Monday I walked into the house. And this may sound weird to say, but it felt different. Because when I went to go into your room like all those times before it was empty. Nothing in it but your gray rug, the gray curtains, and a few things hanging on the wall.
I don't want to lie to you Mom, but it took everything in me to not break down. To not sit in the middle of your room where I could hear my words echo throughout, put my head in between my knees and cry. It's been only a few days and I still can't go into your room.
When you got the call saying you got the apartment and were moving in that same week, my heart sank. I wanted to be happy for you, I did. Because you deserve to be happy and I've never seen you so full of light before until this year. You've met the person you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. And I know you went through hell and back to get to this moment, believe me, I saw it as it was happening too.
But even though you're getting everything you deserve I still can't help but feel sad. I've lived with you ever since you brought me home from the hospital. For twenty-three years, I knew if I ever needed to talk to you I just had to go downstairs and there you'd be in your room. I don't have that same comfort anymore.
You're now an hour away from me and to some it might feel so little but to me, it feels like thousands of miles between us. But I have to learn to live without you not being in the same house and grow up. I can't wait to have our own weekly day to see each other. I'm so excited to come down and see your place and have you invite me into your world.
Not being able to see you every day is going to be hard and it might take a while for me to adjust to. I know even when you were home I was always busy with work or seeing Chris or being with friends that I didn't see you as much as you and I would've liked. If I had known you'd be moving out so soon I would've spent more time with you. But I know we'll get to still see each other a lot.
The hardest part for me so far is coming home to a quiet house. Because it makes me put all these thoughts into my head that if I think about them too much I'll cry. I know I have so much going on in my life and so much good happening to me. But life is so full of uncertainties and you don't know what tomorrows going to bring. But I know that whatever happens in my life, you'll always be there for me.
There are so many things I'm going to miss with you not being here anymore, but I'll always hold onto the memories:
Going for rides at night around town, listening to music, and eating fast food.
Eating meals together at the dining room table when we were both home.
Sitting on the couch in the wintertime binge-watching Gilmore Girls or Friends on Netflix when I was home from college.
Setting up decorations for every single holiday, especially Christmas.
Reading together on the couch with the air conditioner on because it was too hot to do anything else.
Letting me stay in your room when I was having a panic attack or had the stomach bug and you'd help me get through it.
Taking an abundance of pictures for every single event in my life (graduation, prom, birthdays, first days of school, etc.)
Waiting in the living room with me to meet Chris for the first time.
Helping me with my homework or de-stress from school.
Playing your music so loud while you cleaned the entire house.
Going for walks.
Playing bad mitten in the driveway until the sunset.
Playing cards and getting frustrated because you always won.
Counting your change jar and laughing when you'd hear the coins hit the floor.
Playing with sparklers on the Fourth of July.
Helping set the table for Thanksgiving.
Putting up the Christmas tree and decorating it.
Sitting on the couch, eating Chinese, and watching the ball drop on TV on New Year's Eve.
Coming home from shopping and me doing an impromptu fashion show in the living room.
Driving down to the beach to watch the waves before and after a big storm hit.
Listening to me read to you one of my stories I was writing or a presentation I was nervous about.
Always making sure I was stocked with my favorite foods, even when I was being mean to you.
I could think of and write so many more, but I've been crying happy tears this whole time thinking back to these moments.
So, Mom, I want you to know that I'm so happy for you starting this next chapter in your life with someone who makes your smile wide and laughs hurt. And even though we may not live together anymore, I know for a fact we will always be in each other's lives.
Love,
Your Best Friend
