I know it wasn't your choice but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
People always say that a parent should never have to bury a child. Although that's true, a child should never have to bury a parent before they finish high school either. Before they graduate from college. Before they get married. Before they've even really lived. But the world is a sad, unfortunate place where this does happen. We don't get to decide when people die.
Today marks five years since you passed away and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. One minute we were on the road, driving home, the next, we were slammed into a tree. Five minutes from home but we never made it. Instead, I have memories from a life-altering event that I will never forget.
I try not to dwell on the fact that you're gone but I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. Deep down, I know you're always with me but having you watching over me doesn't make up for the fact that you're not physically here. You left too soon and there's nothing that can change that.
As each semester passes, graduation nears and the end of my college career looms ever closer. I can't help but think about the fact that you won't be there to watch me walk across the stage... even if it is only to get a couple of pieces of paper. It doesn't change the fact that when I look out into the crowd, you'll be missing.
You've already been missing from so much and I hate knowing that you'll be missing from even more. Ultimately, it's something that will continue to affect me but will also become more bearable as time passes. Time heals all things, right? Although it's not ideal, the memories of you will have to be enough. I'll cherish the times we spent watching movies in bed, feeding the ducks at Burba Lake, and going bowling on Mother's Day.
I wish heaven had a telephone. Even though I wasn't very talkative when you were alive, I wish I could call you to catch up. I wish that we had the time to allow our relationship to grow but instead, I was an angsty teenager when you died. I didn't want to listen to my parents but now I know that you were only trying to do what was best for me. If I could go back, there would be so many things I'd want to change. But here we are and time machines haven't been invented.
The amount of lessons I could have learned is irreplaceable but I'll hold on to everything you did teach me. You taught me the importance of doing the best I can, about strength and perseverance, and about not letting the past tear you down. Bad things happen and life can change in a matter of seconds, whether we're prepared for it or not but when you get knocked down, you have to get back up again and keep fighting. You raised a fighter.
Even though your fight came to an end, you will forever live on in my heart. I will continue to find ways to celebrate the life you lived and live my life in a way that will make you proud.
