As a Muslim South Asian who grew up in the U.S., it was impossible not to notice the difference between my Caucasian American friends and myself when it came to how I dressed and how much of my body was exposed. As a child, it wasn’t so obvious because in school I wore the western clothes which were dictated by the societal norms of the country I grew up in, and at home I would wear traditional clothes to outings and parties within our South Asian community. However, as I got older the differences began to make their way into both my school life and my personal life; I was asked by curious classmates as to why I didn’t wear tank tops to field day or why when I went dress shopping with my friends for dances I didn’t look at the strapless, sleeveless, or short dresses that my companions would fawn over, or why I showed up to pool parties in pants and a t-shirt. For the most part, when I told them the reason that I dress modestly in order to respect my religion and my cultural values, they accepted it without much question. It never really bothered me even when I was a child because I knew even then that there were religious and cultural differences between myself and my peers.
However, when I got older many people assumed that because I don’t wear a hijab (a head covering that some Muslim women wear which covers up their hair), I am not a practicing Muslim and therefore are little taken aback when I inform them that I choose not to dress in clothes that reveal my body due to my Islamic faith and due to the Pakistani and Indian cultural values that I was brought up with. But for me, the hijab has always just been an extension of that modesty that I was raised with, and I never saw it a necessity. Therefore, I still dressed modestly in accordance with my religion and culture.
Now I do understand that dressing modestly means something different to every individual, not to mention unique to most cultures; in the Western world wearing shorts and tank tops and strapless dresses is not usually considered immodest because it is a cultural norm. And no woman should be judged by how she dresses because at the end of the day, how she dresses should be entirely her choice and her choice alone. If a woman dresses modestly out of coercion then that can certainly be considered misogynistic. On the other hand, dressing immodestly in order to be more desirable to both men and society is equally objectifying as the notion that one should cover themselves because they are told that showing one's body is immoral.
Both practices can be seen as oppressive. Now I will say that wearing revealing clothes will definitely guarantee more catcalling for a woman than if she covers up (not that that is in any way acceptable, but it is an unfortunate reality). However, for those men who don’t respect women, a woman can be wearing a burqa (a garment that covers the entire body from head to toe, worn by some Muslim women) and it will not stop her from getting harassed. So a lot of it does have to do with an individual’s mindset and whether or not they can regard a woman with the same courtesy to all human beings are entitled. In many ways, it is a no-win situation and the blame always seems to fall on the woman rather than the disrespectful and sickening actions and mentality of the men who commit them. I have always felt, however, if a woman chooses to dress modestly, it should be because of the respect she has for herself and for her body rather than just to protect themselves from the unwavering gaze of men.
This is why I bear no ill will or judgement to women who wear more revealing clothes, because, after a certain point, I realized that one cannot live their life completely based on how society views it. I have always felt that if women dress in ways that would be considered immodest because they genuinely want to and because they feel liberated, comfortable, and unconstrained, then hats off to them. I might not agree with it but it is their way of detaching themselves from what is considered right or wrong, which I can certainly understand. And most importantly, they do so out of their own free will. But if they do it because our culture has declared that this is what makes them more open and more attractive to men and to society as a whole, then they are just as many victims of misogyny as those women who are coerced into dressing modestly by others.
Certain individuals will have us believe that the hijab and other garments worn by Muslim women are more forms of oppression of women and that they are misogynistic, but I would say that rather than automatically assume that a woman who covers up (whether she wears a hijab or dresses in clothes that are cover her most of her body) is doing so because of lack of liberty and individuality, we ask why wearing one and covering oneself is automatically considered a symbol of male oppression. Why is revealing less of our bodies more problematic and oppressive than revealing more of them? I would argue that the only role misogyny plays in any of this would be coercion: if a woman is forced to cover up by society or if she’s forced to reveal herself by society, that is where misogyny would come into play.
For me, oppression has always meant the absence of freedom to make your own choices. For example, in Pakistan and India many Muslim women often wear a scarf called a dupatta over their chests and heads in the presence of males who are not related to them. It is a sign of modesty and self-respect that I also often display here, often wearing shawls or scarves despite the fact that the general mentality here is so different and would not necessarily warrant it. But I do it not because it is necessary, but because it gives me a sense of comfort and peace with regards to my modesty. And this is significant because I get to choose to do it, even if society doesn't dictate that I do. I get to make that choice for myself.
The main point that I feel should be emphasized is that modesty is not synonymous with misogyny. Modesty is about self-assurance and self-awareness. It is about dignity and respect that one has for oneself, rather than for the opinions of the people around them. Many women feel that dressing in more revealing clothes is liberating because they don’t have to worry about what society thinks of them and because they are able to make their own choices. On the other hand, a number of women like myself feel liberated and take comfort in dressing modestly because it gives me a sense of respect and confidence. The men around me could be the most respectful and well-mannered people in existence and it would be immaterial because at the end of the day it is about my own dignity and self-regard. I get to choose who views my body and how much of it. In a society where we aspire to be like the fashion models and actresses who seem to only be attractive when scantily clad, I choose to cover myself not just because it lowers the gaze of men (for the most part) and because I am adhering to the values of my religion and culture, but also because I have the freedom to choose how much of myself I reveal. And because I value myself enough to know that revealing my body does not give me the respect to which I as a woman, along with other human beings should get.Our society associates a woman who dresses modestly (especially one from a different religious or cultural background) as a woman who needs our help, a woman who is shackled to her role in conforming to societal norms. But I would say that lack of free will is what separates modesty and misogyny. And as someone who chooses modesty over objectification, I find it just as liberating as that woman who chooses to reveal herself with no reservations. It comes down to our mentality and perspective, and it is up to us to question why something is wrong rather than blindly declaring that it is.