A morning of awkwardness is probably a lot better than a night of loneliness.
It's 2018 and love is beginning to seem more and more like a figment of our imagination. You swipe right. Sure, you swipe left a couple of times, but you go right to take advantage of every opportunity. Every opportunity to feel something that you can't quite describe, but it's filled with joy, warmth, and something mushy that I don't have the heart to put down here.
Messages remain idle, unanswered. Some spark a witty conversation. The fun is generally short-lived as we both pretend to be people were not, living through the screen of a phone. We're all performers in one big play, a facade of sorts. On the exterior, we're cheery and up for a round of tennis, but on the inside, we're waiting for someone to maybe understand us, just a little.
She and I lay together for a night, making the most of our intimate time together. She feels me and I feel her, but the depth of the affection lies at the surface. Our hands, stitched together as I gaze into her eyes, attempting to decipher the puzzle.
Must cakes the air, juices soak the mattress. Silence follows climax. She stays the night to be nice before leaving the ensuing morning, never to be heard from again.
Neither of us feels the need to contact one another after that.
"We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing." - Charles Bukowski
Put the phones down, go out, and sit at the bar by yourself. Start a conversation with a random stranger and ask them about the things that make their heart race just a little bit faster. Go out on your own terms and live in the now.
Embrace that shit.
When you walk up to the bar to order that beer, look to your side. There just might be someone there who makes you a little nervous. Nervous is good. Nervous means chance is involved. What's the worst that could happen? Maybe you get shot down, but hey, you tried. You put yourself out there and left yourself vulnerable. Vulnerability is underrated.
This little thing called life will end one day, for all of us, and we'd be shortchanging ourselves if we didn't capitalize on every possibility. Then, and only then, we have a shot at something real.
