Nothing will ever hurt the way losing one of the people you loved most in the world does. My grandmother, the woman who I idolized growing up, passed away the summer between my Junior and Senior year of high school and even after graduation and finally moving on from my childhood,I can't talk about her. It still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. She was my inspiration and one of the reasons i am who I am today. She was who I wanted to be when I grew up. Needless to say, I miss her.
The day I saw the movie Moana will forever be a cherished memory. It's actually quite the story. I went to the movies with my boyfriend and his family. We all sat down. I remember I was so excited because I love and Lin Manuel-Miranda. Whats not to love? So, we were all sitting there enjoying the movie and then Moana's grandmother died. She died. I began to sob, but being in the middle of a big group, I didnt want to start ugly crying in the movie theater. I got so sad and so angry because all of these emotions I had hidden for months came out, but I didn't have my mom there to give me a hug and tell me everything is ok. After the movie, I got in my car and burst out into tears, but then I realized, to quote the movie, " I am Moana."
Yes, I had lost her, but she wasn't gone. Just like in the movie, she was inside me, "calling out to me" and would always be there to "remind me" that I had so far to go. When Moana started sailing on her boat and began to sing the "How Far I'll Go" Reprise, her grandmother's spirit appeared to her, in the form of a sting ray, her favorite animal. I know this sounds bizarre and it makes no logical sense, but my grandmother is guiding me to see " what's beyond that line" and I don't know what's out there, but all I know is my grandmother's spirit will forever be inside of me, guiding me and helping me along my journey. In a lot of ways, she is the wayfinder inside of me and will continue to voyage through life with me.
So I really cannot thank Disney enough for giving me someone to relate to. I found a friend in Moana, even if she's not real. I will always find peace in the fact that I can relate to Disney royalty. It was such a revelation to me and I will always remember how a Disney princess saved me from my own heartbreak. I will forever have a wayfinder inside of me.