Some days I sit and reminisce on my high school days and wish that I could go back to when times were simpler. Back to Friday night football games, hanging out in the hallway before class, and worrying more about what dress to wear to a dance than what it really meant to become an adult.

Those were some great times.

But as much as I’m in this weird lull in my life right now and can’t help but think that it would be easier to just be back in high school, I know that’s not really what I want.

I could go back and roam those halls, but it wouldn’t be the same. Despite all of the fond memories and the place that it holds in my heart, my heart will never be in it as much as it used to be. I don’t want to look back in a way that involves any ounce of regret, and there are things about the person I was then that I don’t want to take with me.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who sits in the corner. I don’t want to be someone who is afraid to try new things because of a fear of failure or a feeling of inadequacy. And I don’t think my quiet demeanor is ever really going to change, but I hope that going forward I won’t feel so hesitant to say what’s on my mind.

At the same time, I don’t want to be the kind of person who always seems to feel the need to be heard. I don’t want to be like those popular kids in high school, always in the spotlight, feeling like I’m better than those around me.

I’m glad I didn’t “peak” in high school, because I know I still have a lot of growing up to do.

I guess in many ways we never really stop growing up. We are always learning and growing and changing. But I think it’s hard to see just how much room for improvement there is until you leave high school. It’s cliché, but it’s true, hindsight is 20/20. Which is why I appreciate my high school experience for all that it taught me, but I don’t want to be so oblivious anymore. I want to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly with more confidence and maturity than I knew how to have during my high school days.

Some days it’s hard to be on that middle ground. It’s weird to feel glad that high school is over but at the same time wish you could have those carefree days back at your fingertips. When it’s hard to figure out exactly who I am or where I’m going in life at this point, it seems so easy to think about retreating back to times in my life when I didn’t feel the urgency to know those things.

Life moves so fast.

And as much as I wish I could slow down time, I’m doing the best I can to be content with each moment that I’m in.