Hey, it's been a while.
We haven't really talked...like at all. It's actually been about seven months and I miss you more than ever. I hope everything in your life is good, I hope the new house is great and that all of you love it. I hope your mom and sister and brother and grandparents and cousins and everyone is doing well.
I've written this a few times over just trying to get the right words out and express what I'm feeling. To me, I still have the version of you from high school in my mind. Have you changed? I'm sure, everyone changes.
I wanted to let you know that I still think about you. I always wonder how you are and hope you're well. I still remember your favorite color, how your old room looked, all the water bottles always stacked in your room and how we could hang out and do nothing and it'd be the best. Memories of us always come back to me. I'll see a funny shirt and think of you, I'll have news and immediately want to tell you, coffee runs aren't the same without you, I'll listen to 'our' songs and think about all the great times we had.
I really wish everything between us had ended differently. I'm actually not sure how we left off, are we friends still? Acquaintances? Not even that? I don't know. I wanted our friendship to be long term. I thought we'd write each other in college and send each other care packages. During breaks, we'd meet up during all our spare time and pick up where we left off. We'd talk about all that's happened to us that we couldn't include in the letters or was too awesome and had to wait to see each other to tell. I thought that if I was ever to be married you'd for sure be a bridesmaid and our kids would be best friends growing up, just like us.
We made some amazing memories. All of our random Target runs and Dunkin' stops. I remember Black Friday shopping like it was yesterday. New Year's Eve was always a blast with you and some of our best memories were made during the summer. Farting and joking around, jamming to the playlist of 'our' songs with the windows down, swimming, seeing Christmas lights together, telling each other our secrets.
Mexico was incredible, so thank you for taking me, and surviving those few years of golf was great because I had my BFF by my side. There are countless pictures of us on my phone and on Facebook; I look back and they crack me up. We laughed a lot and had such a great time.
But looking back at those wonderful memories, what happened to us? A silly argument ended our four-year friendship? I thought it was stronger than that. Was it my fault? Because I've blamed myself every day for it. Did I freak you out too much when I shared a secret that was too personal? Was it just the trigger you were waiting for to get rid of me? Were you looking for a way out of this friendship? I thought you were one of my best friends, 'forever'. I thought we'd get best friend tattoos. What happened to the summer plans we made? The forever plans we made? We both screwed up. You let me down and I'm sure I let you down too, and I know that one time I didn't have your back and you didn't have mine.
But communication is where we lose each other. We never really talked out our problems. I want to, but I don't know where to start. Should I contact you? Will you talk to me? Where do we stand? I can't just drop you out of my life. You've left one of the biggest imprints anyone's ever left. I can't just forget you. I loved you like a sister. We went through a lot together and because of that, my heart can never close off from you.
If you made it to the end of this, congrats. I know it's long but it's just some things that I wanted to say. I hope we didn't "break-up" and the possibility of friendship is still there. I know it won't ever be the same.
So, I'm just asking, what happened? I won't ever be able to forget you entirely. I hope you remember me when we were happiest and laughing and enjoying each other's company, when life was "easier" and we thought we'd best friends forever. We were classic.
Love,
Liv
