This past Tuesday will signify one month since my beautiful mother’s shocking passing and the beginning of my family’s new, though less exciting, normal.

We never expected my mom, a lively, energetic person, would leave us so suddenly; one day she was here and laughing while she got ready for work, the next she was looking down on us as we selfishly grieved for our loss. Because she was a healthy, middle-aged woman, everyone expected for her to be around for quite a long awhile, but God had other plans, it seems. Despite our tears and upset, it seems fitting that she be taken care of now so completely, as she has taken care of so many in her, regrettably short, lifetime.

My mom loved to read my articles. It was rare that she didn't read them as soon as they went live, sharing with me her joy that at least one of her daughters could write; however, she seemed to forget that she would occasionally completely rewrite one of my essays for school because she didn't think it good. This is why I chose this media as a release for my grief. She was a lover of books, and she tried so hard to get her children to love books too. I remember so many little spats we would have because I hated to read when I was young, as well as the many times we would contemplate how different I was as I got older (I grew to love books even more than she did). We could talk for hours about the books we were currently reading, and those times were probably some of my favorite times with my mom.

She truly was a mother to many. Nobody in need of a mother figure had to look far so long as they knew Ronda Kay McKeithen, for she would take them in, in a heartbeat. This love for others showcased her beauty, both inside and out; and she was beautiful.

I wasn't truly aware of the amount of people she had touched in her life until the funeral, and there were a lot. There was something about her that drew people in (probably her sass and confidence); she was charming and alluring. People wanted to be part of her life, and she would welcome anybody. She had so many friends while she was here that I know I will never be lonely because her friends became my friends.

My sisters and I were blessed to have such an amazing mother, and even though we miss her so much, we will always be grateful for the time we had with her. We have faith that she is where she needs to be, with the family she loved so dearly and the son she never got to truly know. Our wishes for her to come back are selfish because she is seeing and experiencing things we can't imagine, and she certainly deserves to have an eternity of fun and happiness. My family and I take comfort in knowing we will see her again, someday, and we will truly miss her while we wait to see her again. We won't be going this wait alone, though; we have our friends and family, but most importantly, we have my mom’s spirit to guide us in life and see our accomplishments and talk to us in hard times.

We are strong, just like my mom was strong, and we will be okay, just sad. She was well loved and she loved hard in return. She will never be forgotten, only remembered. She will never be far from us, only in our hearts. She will always be loved. I can feel her as I write this, telling me to make her sound good and pick the best pictures, and I am crying, but I am content because she is exultant.

Our loved ones will never be far from us, only hard to see. If you have lost someone you love as I have, whether it be unexpected or drawn out, remember that they are always with you. They love you, and they can hear everything you want to tell them. They can see everything you do for them. They won't miss out on seeing you graduate, seeing their first grand-baby, walking you down the aisle at your wedding, celebrating with you about your first job; they are there with you. It's okay to cry. It's okay not to cry. It's okay to fear forgetting them because you can’t. It's okay to miss them. It's okay. Nothing will ever be the same, but it's okay to have a new normal.

Let us not dwell on our loss, but our loved one’s gain, for they have gained so much. I will not be afraid to cry for me, but I will not cry for my mom. She was my best friend; I told her everything and held nothing back with her. No one will be able to replace her, and I won't let anyone try. She was special, in more ways than one. She was not perfect, but she lived life as if every day was something to celebrate, just like we should. I will live like she would want me to. I will be confident, sassy, and bossy. I will not let anyone control me, especially not grief. I will be my own person. I will not rely on anyone but myself and my love.

I miss my mom, I always will, but she doesn't want me to cry for her; no, she wants me to put on a show for her to watch from above, so I will.

You will be missed, Moma. We love you.