We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
As humans, we are incapable of achieving perfection. Quite the contrary, we are the most imperfect creatures to walk the earth. Although you may disagree with this hypothesis, I urge you (for the sake of this article) to put aside your alternate justifications in order to better comprehend my concept of relationships.
Let me introduce you to someone I am sure you have met before. She goes by the name Cinderella; a young woman treated with disgrace, in search of happiness and peace. Ah yes, enter Prince Charming. I am at a loss of words to describe this overtly handsome man. Twenty minutes later, Cinderella and Prince Charming have ventured off into matrimony, riding off in a carriage towards their happily ever after. How enchanting an image portrayed by Disney; a truly genius idea. So much that it has brainwashed everyone into believing that this is reality.
Just take a look at The Bachelorette. I cannot count the number of times I have heard the phrase, “All I want is my fairy-tale ending.” I hate to break it to you Emily, but unfortunately you are in for a huge wake-up call. We can’t keep comparing our future husbands or wives to famous actors and actresses, because that is exactly what they do for a living—act. The people we fall in love with on-screen are not the real deal.
My dear friend Liam has been having a problem with the Disney definition of love. He is currently in the process of discovering the harmful effects of ‘just for fun’ relationships (relationships where the physical aspect outweighs the inner connection between both partners). That’s not to say that dating isn’t something that is supposed to be fun, but the ultimate point of dating a person is to establish a deeper connection, eventually leading to marriage. However, the majority of our society portrays dating as a ‘physical excursion,’ in which one can explore options without realizing the consequences of experimenting with intimacy. Again, media is the biggest outlet for such false advertisements of relationships. To be fair, there are people that experience absolutely no repercussions emotionally in terms of ‘hooking up’, but it does create a sense of detachment from what intimacy means in the long-run. Everything we do in life has a chain-reaction, so always ensure that the path you are walking on is one that avoids gut-wrenching regrets. This eventually leads to the collapse of a person’s ability to understand the definition of commitment and self-sacrifice in a relationship. Hence, the increasing divorce rates (40-50% of all first marriages end in divorce).
According to divorce.edu, the most common reason for divorce is “lack of commitment.” Subsequently, several other issues followed this reason: frequent arguments, infidelity, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, and lack of equality in a relationship. Patch.com suggests that the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication, and kevinathomspon.com corroborates the study of divorce.edu in stating that ‘’lack of investment’’ is the number one cause of a marital meltdown. One important factor of commitment includes maintaining a foundation to rely on during times of financial stress, social pressure, religious arguments, marital doubts, or struggles with parenting. The second factor being personal dedication; no one said marriage was easy except Hollywood and Disney. It is a life-time career.
So, how do we become an anomaly among these statistics? Well, I will start by telling you what I told Liam: don’t let emotions fool you. People often confuse love with the feeling of butterflies or infatuation. This all dissipates to a lower level in every single relationship at one point. It can lead us to false hopes, promises, and broken hearts. We must first understand that love is something exhibited through actions—commitment. We will never truly understand what true love is, because our minds have been plastered with various ideologies of what love ought to be instead of what it truly is.
Liam then asked “Ok, I can roll with commitment, but what qualities make her good enough for me?”
Now, this may sound a bit selfish, but we all deserve someone who is good enough, meaning that they have the main qualities we seek. However, that does not mean that there will ever be a perfect man or woman. We must be able to love on another because of the flaws that make us insecure. The difficult part about answering Liam’s question was that I couldn’t give him a list of important traits to look for, because each person has a different perspective.
Know that the Bible is not a legalistic tool, but rather a guideline for life. It’s like a phone. Most people tend to check their phones for updates or reminders. The bible is there to constantly remind you of how you can make good, morally just choices. Liam is a Christian, so I was able to utilize some verses from Proverbs and Corinthians to explain what humans should seek in every relationship, including platonic ones. Humble, kind, proactive, selfless, open minded, respectful, hard-working, possibly religious…These are all traits that maybe some of us are searching for in a companion, but to be honest, I cannot tell you what will work for you.
What I can tell you is that we attract those people in life that mirror us. I explained to Liam that we will never have to search for someone, because the world is filled with billions of people. All you have to do is be the person you hope to meet—the rest will fall into place. There is no need to embark on a treasure hunt for ‘the one.’ A successful relationship starts with looking at yourself in a mirror and being able to state the words, “I love you unconditionally.” I urge people like Liam to continue to be the person they seek to share a lifetime’s story with. It’s not the mirrors fault if we don’t like what we see. The true reflection is what is inside of our hearts. Do you like what you see?
