Growing up I was always a very shy kid. I clung to my moms hip and always made her communicate for me because I was too shy to. I would never express how I felt about things and I would let people run over me and kind of control what I did. People would just make decisions for me because I "couldn't decide" or just "didn't know". Most of the time I knew what I wanted but I just didn't speak up. Which I still do to this day. In reality, though I just had a lot on my mind and didn't really know how to express it.
In the world today many people deal with having loud minds and quiet mouths. Your mind is just running 100 mph and you really can't keep up with your own thoughts. I am one of those people. It affects you and how you communicate with people because you have a lot to say but never know what the right thing to say is, or how to say it. You ALWAYS second guess yourself about everything. It is a real problem and it gets annoying to yourself and others.
When my mind is going crazy I always somehow end up overthinking a lot of situations like how a person is talking, looking, and especially texting me. My mind will go to some stupid scenario that upsets me just because the person didn't respond the way I wanted them to or how long it took them to respond. I say nothing though, usually. I could be crying, furious, worried, or just normal and respond in a totally different way not expressing how I really feel. Honestly, I feel a little psychotic when that happens but I know I am not the only one that does this.
I constantly worry about everything. I worry about someone not being happy with me or what I give them, leaving me because I'm not enough, or, hurting my feelings and they don't know because I don't express myself enough. My mind is always getting the best of me and taking me down in any situation. So, I stay quiet and keep it in.
Having a crazy mind can be a real detriment to the people you love and yourself mainly. You have to deal with all of your emotions and thoughts all bottled up inside until you just explode one day and have a two-hour long meltdown. You get some great sleep after those meltdowns though. The people you love have to deal with how "stubborn" you are or how you don't communicate well enough about certain things. Also, you seem "unmotivated" or like you don't know what to do with your life. Which, can be true. Most of the time I am not just unmotivated it is that I am so overwhelmed with all of the things that I am thinking about that I cant do anything because I am literally consumed by my thoughts. And for people assuming that I don't know what I want to do with my life can back off because I have always really known what I wanted to do with my life since I was a kid. It isn't very realistic though so while growing up I've realized that. Which, has lead to me having to figure out what else I would like to do with my life and what I am good at. This is why I try to avoid any college questions from family and family friends.
I don't think I will ever have a quiet mind or over think things. That is ok though. I will continue to grow, change, and learn how to deal with many things. Hopefully, I will learn how to express myself better and tell people directly what I want without second guessing myself.
