I Asked 23 Millennials About Love Vs. Relationships And Dating
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Relationships

I Asked 23 Millennials About Love Vs. Relationships And Dating

Dating doesn't always lead to love and love doesn't always lead to dating.

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I Asked 23 Millennials About Love Vs. Relationships And Dating
Jeremy Wong

Lately or always, my thoughts have dwelled in the realm of love -- how we give and receive love. It can be good, bad, ugly, or a strange combination. When we are accustomed to a certain style of feeling loved, we can sometimes misinterpret someone else's way of showing they care. I prompted millennials with these three questions:

1. When dating, do you seek love or a relationship?

2. How do you show someone you love them? (i.e. compliments, physical touch, quality time, gifts, etc.)

3. Finish this sentence: Dating leads to...

From these questions, I saw the universality of connection, but through a variety of means such as the desire for physical contact, doing something nice and thoughtful for a romantic partner, and compromise.

Most notably, I realized that many people don't necessarily see dating as a path to a relationship. Many people outright said negative comments about dating or answered with hesitation.

1. "Dating leads to learning." - E, 20something, New York, NY

2. "I look more for a friendship. I'm not really a believer in 'the spark' – what I imagine is strong romantic feelings developing organically over time." - 23 year-old male transplant from the South

3. "With my partner, I'm very much a cuddler and that's the biggest way I show affection. However, I also think I utilize a good balance of the other ways of showing love - every once in awhile I'll bring home a small gift and I'm often trying to make sure we spend enough quality time together. With friends, I focus most on quality time." - E, 24, Madison, WI

4. "Dating leads to disappointment most of the time, but when it doesn't, all the trial and error was worth it." - B, 24, NY, NY

5. "I think it’s dangerous/unhealthy to look for love. Love is something that just happens (that being said, it’s not easy!). I used to be someone who wanted to fall in love so badly. I forced it too much. I still want love of course but patience, openness with your partner, and putting the effort into a relationship are more what I strive for. Then perhaps (hopefully) love will blossom." - W, 23, Berlin, Germany

6. "Dating leads to a trusting and fulfilling relationship (hopefully)." M, 20something, Jersey City, NJ


7. "Dating leads to usually nothing?" - 23 year-old male transplant from the South

8. "Dating leads to sex." - 23 year old female

9. "I don’t believe that showering a partner with material goods is an expression of love, but I do think thoughtful gifts at important dates such as birthdays or anniversaries is a nice gesture of affection. For me, showing someone I love them would involve opening up to them about things I would not usually tell others; placing trust in them; being able to tell them if I’m not happy or if something they have done has upset me without fearing that it would lead to a break-up; and, above all else, being able to fully respect that person in the knowledge that they too fully respect me." - K, 20something, London, UK

10. "When dating I look for both love and a relationship. For me, they go together. I am not interested in being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, nor am I looking for love with someone who I cannot commit to or who won't commit to me. I look for love first, but I think love without the relationship aspect would be confusing and painful." - R, 22, Boston, MA

11. "Dating leads to more dating. I know that's kind of a cop-out, but what I mean is dating goes where you direct it, or where it will go if you decide not to intervene (inaction in this case IS an action and IS a decision i think people should realize they are making). Unless you make conscious decisions, have discussions, and move towards a goal, dating is a journey, not a destination. And if you don’t decide where you're going, it's a journey that will never end or go places you might not want to." - S, 23, Chicago, IL

12. "Dating leads to disappointment and exhaustion... (in my experience)." - L, 23, New York, NY

13. "I look for a relationship when dating, which means it will be love. Otherwise it would be short term and not considered a relationship in my book. Won't call them girlfriend unless I love them or at least have a strong feeling I will." - P, 24, New York, NY

14. "Dating usually leads to disappointment. But once in while, it leads to at least a few moments of feeling completely relaxed, comfortable, and happy." - K, 23, Brooklyn, NY

15. "In my experience, dating leads either to nothing or a good friendship." - W, 23, Berlin, Germany

16. "I typically seek attraction first. Then friendship. Love is amorphous and abstract and not something I think can be pursued. I seek people who treat me well and who I want to treat well." - S, 23, Chicago, IL

17. "Dating leads to a relationship, a new friend, or maybe just some awkward memories." - R, 22, Boston, MA

18. "Dating leads to good conversations, lots of frustration, and disappointment. Rarely to meeting someone amazing we want to spend a lot of time with." - G, Millennial, Berkeley, CA

19. "Ideally, when it comes to dating there’s an expectation that it will lead into a relationship and in turn, love. I don’t fully subscribe to the idea that love can be measured in time or that if someone falls in love after six weeks or six months that either is more or less valid than the other, but from previous experience I’ve learnt that when I approach dating I need to be open-minded to the idea of it just being a simple few dates, or, if those dates go well, that it may be something more, but - long story short - I should not place too much expectation on dating in this day and age. Now, I’m open to being pleasantly surprised." - K, 20something, London, UK

20. "Dating leads to getting addicted to someone." - J, 23, Berkeley, CA

21. "However I would let my best friend know I care, I apply to dating. Show up (even when it's inconvenient for me), when they need me OR in celebration (studies show this solidifies a relationship more than hardship which I personally found astounding). Support them in small ways, by helping draft an email, starting the dishes, putting their major life events as reminders in my phone to say 'hey, go kill that interview today'." - S, 23, Chicago, IL

22. "Typically, I look for a relationship first and feeling it out to see if I feel 'love'. Love can surface within me early on or later on, but I like to have some time in a relationship first." - A, 23, New York, NY

23. "Dating leads to heartbreak, headaches and hilarious stories, but it will lead to you meeting the person you’re supposed to be with… eventually, hopefully!" - K, 20something, London, UK

I'm always looking for love, which might be why I have difficulty finding romance through dating apps. I find dating to often be ritualistic, rules-driven, and rigid. We like to hang onto "signs" which is why we have attached expectations such as "text back later so you don't give off desperate vibes..." and then "but don't text too late or else that's a booty call." I could do without all the formalities and instead of giving into overthinking and overdoing, follow the flow of getting to know someone.

Millennials have such starkly different ideas as to the function of dating which, I think, goes to prove that we never know where our relationships will lead. Just as acquaintances can become friends or more; friends can become lovers; online profiles can become real life partners.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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