4 Absolutely True Facts About Millennials And Avocados

4 Absolutely True Facts About Millennials And Avocados

"The measure of a man is what he does with avocados." -Plato
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It seems like every other day there is a new headline proclaiming that those darn millennials are at it again, with the avocados and the multiple low-paying jobs and the sense of dread at inheriting a world already spiraling towards disaster. But mostly the avocados.

We have to laugh, of course. When I’m hanging out with my coalition of attractive 18-to-24-year-old friends, we frequently ridicule the mainstream news and their misrepresentation of our generation. They seem to think we really like avocados.

My fellow millennials know: we do not merely like avocados. We are total in our devotion to avocados. Previous generations of humans were 70 percent water; millennials are 70 percent avocado. For the education of any old lame people trying to understand this generation, here are four more absolutely true facts about millennials and avocados.

1. We can say “avocado” in 15 languages

Millennials love travel. But one important safety precaution that we all take before gallivanting across Europe is to learn how to request an avocado in all the local languages, lest we are caught avocado-less one morning. Nothing compares to the horror of waking up expecting some delicious avocado toast, but because you cannot make your request understood to the waiter, instead you have to choke down two dry pieces of—ugh!regular toast.

To avoid that fate, millennials learn to request the greatest food in a multitude of languages. Frequent choices include Spanish (“el avocado”), Chinese (“汉堡包”), and Canadian ("ehvocado").

2. We studied avocados in college

An important component of any liberal arts degree (all millennials have liberal arts degrees) is, of course, Avocadology. And with many colleges now including interdisciplinary options, these days avocados are often studied alongside other, less important disciplines, like history and biology.

I don’t know how I could possibly have picked between my two favorite classes in college, Math 318: Avocado Surface Topology II and Theology 392: How Holy Is Guacamole?

3. We are frustrated by unequal distribution of avocados

Millennials, more so than previous generations, are acutely aware of the injustice that permeates our society. And the most egregious injustice of all is that 99 percent of the avocados are controlled by just 1 percent of the population. It’s as though the system is stacked in favor of that 1 percent.

Employers don’t seem to appreciate the many crucial avocado-related skills on my resume. It just feels as though it’s impossible to get ahead these days, with student debt and rising costs of living severely cutting into the avocado budget. Which leads to the next point:

4. We can’t buy houses because we have too many avocados

At the time of writing this, I still live with my parents. They are getting increasingly frustrated by the size and smell of my avocado collection, but what other choice do I have? Buying a house would cause a momentary reduction in my avocado intake, which is not a choice at all.

It’s also financially infeasible given my income and credit history but mostly it’s about keeping the avocados coming. I also don’t have health insurance, because health insurance premiums would cut into the avocado budget. Not that that actually matters, because avocados are so healthy that eating them constantly makes you immune to disease.

Now that you are educated about the complex symbiotic relationship of millennial to avocado, you may find yourself slightly incredulous. Allow me to reassure you that everything in this article is completely true, guaranteed. Be sure to incorporate these facts into your marketing strategies for the 18-to-24 year old demographic and you will see quarterly profits increase by at least two-thirds.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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What Your Hogwarts House Says About You

Get yourself sorted and find out where you belong in the world of witchcraft and wizardry.
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Sorting at Hogwarts is a big deal. Being sorted into a house is essentially being placed into a family while you are away from home learning about witchcraft and wizardry. Your house is made up of the people you will live with, go to classes with, play Quidditch with and everything in between. You basically spend 24/7 with them. Your Hogwarts house is your home away from home.

When you get sorted into a house, it is based on your personality traits. The people in your house are typically like-minded people who display the same characteristics as you.

When you’re a first year at Hogwarts, the minute you set foot in the castle you are swept into the Great Hall to have the ancient Sorting Hat placed on your head. This Sorting Hat decides which “family” you’ll be spending your seven years with.

For some, it is very obvious which house they will be in, due to certain personality traits they possess. For others, they may exemplify traits that fit a multitude of houses and are uncertain where they may end up.

To find out where you belong, you can take the official "Harry Potter" Sorting Hat quiz at Pottermore.com. For all you muggles out there, these are the characteristics that the houses possess and what your house says about you:

Gryffindor: The house of the brave, loyal, courageous, adventurous, daring and chivalrous. Those who stand up for others are typically Gryffindors. Brave-hearted is the most well-known Gryffindor characteristic, and Gryffindors are also known for having a lot of nerve.

Gryffindors are people who hold a multitude of qualities alongside the ones listed, making them a very well-rounded house. People who are Gryffindors are often people who could fit nicely into another house but choose to tell the sorting hat they want Gryffindor (there's that bravery). "Do what is right" is the motto Gryffindors go by.

Being a Gryffindor means that you're probably the adventurous and courageous friend, and you are usually known for doing what is right.

Ravenclaw: The house is known for their wisdom, intelligence, creativity, cleverness and knowledge. Those who value brains over brawn can be found here. Ravenclaws often tend to be quite quirky as well. "Do what is wise" is the motto they strive to follow.

Though Ravenclaws can be know-it-alls sometimes, they most likely do know what the wisest decision is.

If you are known for being the quirky friend, the smartest in the group or just great at making wise decisions, you're definitely a Ravenclaw.

Hufflepuff: This house values hard work, dedication, fair play, patience, and loyalty. Hufflepuff’s are known for being just and true. "Do what is nice" is their motto.

Hufflepuff is known as the “nice house” and believes strongly in sparing peoples feelings and being kind. This is not to say that Hufflepuffs aren't smart or courageous. Hufflepuffs just enjoy making others happy and tend to be more patient towards people.

If you ever find that you are too nice for your own good and cannot bear to hurt someone’s feelings, congratulations, you are a Hufflepuff.

Slytherin: This is the house of the cunning, prideful, resourceful, ambitious, intelligent, and determined. Slytherin's love to be in charge and crave leadership. "Do what is necessary" is the motto of this house.

Slytherin is a fairly well-rounded house, similar to the other houses. They are loyal to those that are loyal to them just as Gryffindors are and are intelligent as Ravenclaws.

Slytherin house as a whole is not evil, despite how many dark wizards come out of this house. That is merely based on the choices of those wizards (so if your friend is a Slytherin, don’t judge, it doesn’t mean they are mean people). Slytherins do, however, have a tendency to be arrogant or prideful. This is most likely due to the fact that everyone in Slytherin is exceedingly proud to be there.

What Hogwarts house you’re in says a lot about the person you are, the traits you possess and how you may act in some situations. But in the end, your house is really just your home that is always there for you. Always.


Cover Image Credit: Warner Bros Pictures

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How Art Can Help You Take Care Of Yourself

It's time to go on a date with yourself.

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Art is a quintessential part of the human experience: it has something that has been present in human culture beginning from prehistoric times, from when human consciousness first entered the world. It is also something that transcends definition and intertwines with our play of life and the meaning of humanity. Art is an expression of feeling in its most ethereal meaning and "for fun" at its most basic.

Personally, as an Art History minor, art has been a dimension of life for me that I have explored deeply and holds a lot of meaning. Painting is a huge outlet and way to deal with stress for me, and appreciating fine art teaches me about the aspect of history and how all of history is tied together throughout paintings, sculptures, and photographs. It helps me center myself and remind me of the place I hold in this world and the curious aspect personal experience of history. However, art doesn't need to be the stereotypical idea of art: it can be expressed through dance, the learning of a new language, or the coloring of mandalas to ease stress.

The exploration of art and the artistic side of human nature is something that everyone has in them: it's written in our psychology. We have an entire side of our brain that is inclined toward feeling and abstract interpretation, so it's natural to assume that emotion and expression of art are intrinsically intertwined. Thus, experiencing art is a way to personally develop yourself, and can be an unfound way of finding out things about yourself.

Different ways to explore your artistic side can be very easy: as easy as 3rd-grade coloring books, coloring mandalas, or finger-painting. Recently, I participated in a lantern festival and being able to paint a small lantern was an amazing outlet from a stress-filled week and allowed me to express myself through something besides just communication. Writing is also another good way to express emotion and create art: many books are just art pieces, and can be another way to further develop yourself. Additionally, other small fun things like carving pumpkins (spooky season!) or even curating the perfect Instagram profile can be another way to express yourself.

Appreciating the small things in your life as art and self-expression help put you more in touch with yourself, which is easy to lose throughout the mundane cycles of college, work, and life in general. Keeping yourself in harmony and balance might seem like an earthy-crunchy concept, but self-care and self-love are vital in keeping the rest of your life ordered. Being mindful of yourself and your goals is something that I have always have had difficulty with, but working toward learning more about yourself is taking the first step.

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