First, let me start off with the truth:
"An American-born man who'd pledged allegiance to ISIS gunned down 49 people early Sunday at a gay nightclub in Orlando, the deadliest mass shooting in the United States and the nation's worst terror attack since 9/11, authorities said"
Families and friends gather outside a hospital in Orlando after a list of those hospitalized from the attack was released.
Now, unless you live under a rock or just choose to ignore all of life around you, chances are that you have heard about this attack. Chances are you have an opinion on this entire situation; whether you are apart of the LGBTQ community, a practicing Muslim, Latino, or just a non-stereotypical cis white man who has no connection over any of these communities, this senseless act of violence affects us all.
When I found out about these attacks, it was 7 a.m. EST, just a few hours after the first shot was fired in Orlando, FL. I was on a comfy bus, with my church's High School Choir traveling to a town in Maryland, where I was so dumbstruck with the events that was going on. At first, the entire story broke as a few people where shot and few injured. During our performance of Godspell, my phone blew up.
"20 now were pronounced dead. Dozens injured."
I was appalled.
"What the hell is going on?" Was the question on most of our minds.
Sparing specific details of my personal account of the time, eventually the story updated that 49 innocent people were killed, 50 total, including the killer, also leaving at least 50 people injured. I couldn't digest it. How? How?! HOW?!
Gay.
Being a gay man, how can I even respond to this? My heart ached, my soul was weeping, my entire being was shaken by the cold chill of the slaughtered. Why in the hell where people, gay or not, killed for DANCING. Let's excuse the "gay" part of these people for a second: these people went to a club to dance and drink and have fun. It's not like Shortbus, where these people were having huge orgies. It's not like these men and woman and the like were shouting from the streets their plans to dance and have FUN, god forbid that people can go out and enjoy their life.
Now, let's add in the fact that they are gay. What changes?
Nothing.
They are still having fun, dancing, drinking, enjoying life. Why does the idea and fact that they are gay qualify their MURDER? What did this society teach this man that it is acceptable to buy guns LEGALLY to MURDER the innocent, gay or not? What the hell did we do?
We created him.
We allowed him to have access to weapons that fires 13.3 rounds a SECOND. Not a minute, not 30 seconds, but 13.3 rounds a SECOND. This isn't a musket, people. We created this man. We created this ungodly act of murder and unrepentant act of hate.
It's just that simple.
Christian.
As a Christian, I have always been afraid to be angry. Not because I didn't want to be judged, but because I thought that as a Christian, I needed to be happy and thankful all the time, and being angry was a horrible way to be what I strived to be, what I'm told to be and want to be: Godly.
But having this anger that was bestowed upon me from these act, well, that's just about the most Godly thing that I can do. If I WASN'T angry about these acts, wouldn't that show that my compassion as a Christian and human isn't what it should be? Isn't what I want it to be? Isn't what I live to be?
Being angry as a Christian is okay, along with being sad, happy, fearful, disgust, trusting. Being a Christian means that we must turn our anger, sadness, fear, disgust into ACTION.
Having faith means that we must use our emotions to make a change in this world, to make a change in our lives and in each other. Having faith means having the courage to stand up for what we believe in, for injustice, to hurt, to fear mongers, to the unjustified writers of this world.
If we just feel our emotions, then we are failing ourselves and failing our duty as PEOPLE, Christian or not.
Millenial.
Trying to explain my emotions to this tragedy is hard: how do I do this without yelling. But, then I go back to the facts:
"An American-born man who'd pledged allegiance to ISIS gunned down 49 people early Sunday at a gay nightclub in Orlando, the deadliest mass shooting in the United States and the nation's worst terror attack since 9/11, authorities said" according to CNN.
And then I realize the truth:
I cannot change the world by myself; but I sure as hell can try.
And that's what it means to not be Christian, not be gay, not be a millennial. No, but that's what it means to be...
Human.
