I want to live in a world where I do not have to decipher between ok and okay. Or the ramifications of a period after a sentence. Where I’m not ruled by millennial texting regulations, or coding on social media. Where the thing that was created to simplify communication is not over complicated and drawn out. Where responding with one word means that’s the answer to the question you asked, and not every text message requires a response or a continuance.
I shouldn’t have to call two girlfriends, start a group chat and lose sleep over whether he meant a date or hanging out. Whether it’s too early to answer his text message… Should I throw an lol in there so it doesn’t sound so harsh? Should I say alright instead of sure so I don’t sound too passive? Is yes the same as yep or does yep define an attitude?
I don’t know about you, but I can see why there’s so many texting while driving campaigns.
We attempt to be safe by asking Siri to respond to our text with “okay”. So Siri types “ok” but then we have to apologize for the “ok” because even though I meant “okay” I didn’t mean “ok”, okay? Insert nervous lol. But there’s nothing funny about it, because the person on the other side of that text message is already typing up a passive aggressive message about your attitude because of “ok”.
But in a world full of women looking for some attention to subsequent the horrible barrage of fuck boys and lack of emotional in-person connection, we utilize whatever means we can to communicate with whatever sense of relationships we can make.
Which means you text… a lot.
He hasn’t answered in a hot minute… so obviously it’s over. It wasn’t meant to be, I suppose it’s for the best though. Anyone that uses hi instead of hey makes me uncomfortable anyway. Could you really not be bothered to add one letter?
Do I really care this much?
Well, we hung out. My friends told me not to hook up on the first date, but I didn’t know if it was a date. What if I ruined it because it wasn’t a date and it was just a hook up, but I thought it was a date… so we didn’t hook up? Now I don’t have a hook up tale for the girls or a great first date story for my mom.
This is awkward.
But the funny thing is, I don’t want to Netflix and chill. I want to talk about books, or food, or anything that lights a fire inside you. I don’t even care if you ask about my interests to be honest. I’m just checking to make sure you’re making at least 20% eye contact, that my shirt isn’t too low cut and that I’m giving off the right “I’m not trying to fuck you” vibes while also entertaining the idea that if you wanted to text me after this, there’s definitely a possibility for some flirty banter.
But you won’t because there’s a three day rule.
It’s been three days, and I haven’t heard from him.
I’ll post a selfie on Instagram to try and get a reaction out of him.
Oh, first like! Wait, does that mean he was creeping? Or accidental page refresh at the right time? Should I text him? What do I say?
Let’s go with heyy with two y’s so I don’t seem too eager but show a little playfulness. Or is hii with two i’s better? Do people even use hello anymore or is that specifically reserved for Adele?
But it doesn’t really matter anyway because it takes him five hours to read the text with no response…and the god damn read receipts are taunting me. Until eight hours later I’m greeted with a “hi”… with one i. So you know how this goes… since it took him eight hours to answer now I have to wait until tomorrow night to respond.
Can’t be too available…
But maybe he wasn’t ignoring me? He could have been sleeping or working late, right?
Nevertheless, I’ve spent the last eight hours shuffling through the files in my brain for everything I could have done wrong to cause him to potentially ignore me. Why read it and not answer? Read receipts are meant for the unsaid: “I saw this and can’t answer” text or more frequently… the “I want you to know I read this and am purposefully not answering due to something you did” text. But what’s the point of those receipts anyway but to completely destroy the confidence of a girl who decided it was okay to text him first instead of wait anxiously to hear back from someone who probably doesn’t save your contact name with emojis anyway.
Everybody knows you’re nobody until somebody saves your name with a heart.
I’ve decided on again, off again that we’re over but we can’t be over because we never technically began.
“It’s just casual, you know?”
“We’re just friends”
Or everyone’s favorite…
“I’m not looking for anything serious right now”
But what’s casual? Like jeans and a nice top? Or a drink with a co-worker you’ve never really liked that much? Casual like what you wore to that job interview you didn’t get?
Because that’s what dating is: A series of intense job interviews, questionnaires, strategically picked outfits and specific scenarios that allow the boss to make a full, in-depth decision on your status here at the company.
I’m sorry, but we’ve decided to go with another candidate.
(You’re not easy enough)
Or sometimes, you just never get a call back.
(You’ve just been ghosted)
We as a generation have realistically changed the face of cellular devices and their use. We have forced companies to make phone plans that again include minutes instead of unlimited calls because they aren’t making money on that usage point anymore. We have taken the concept of text messaging from an aid to cell phone calls to the only isolated form of communication we use. We have used applications and settings (like do not disturb) to discourage communication out of spite and neglect of others, not it’s intended purpose (like for when kids are in class or you’re in a meeting… even though that’s probably where you’re reading this now).
We have over complicated something meant to sub in for phone calls when we couldn’t speak, we stopped calling our families and friends. We get to know new loves through “20 questions”, and then can’t fight the sexual banter 5 questions in. We take naked photos of ourselves and send it instead of enticing them in person. We sell ourselves short when they hate movies we love, and support causes we hate, because having someone text you good morning is almost better than sleeping in on a rainy day off.
We think twice before saying anything that crosses our minds. We stopped being honest. We decide not to answer instead of risk the fuck up, and then realize that is the fuck up.
I can’t text you first because that shows I’m too interested. I can’t call you because that’s weird. I can’t have dinner without tagging myself at its location on Facebook. I can’t figure out if you’re busy or ignoring me. I can’t believe how often we use lol. I can’t figure out if heyyy with three y’s is annoying or a typo. I can’t tell if you didn’t see my selfie or you’re choosing not to like it.
But more importantly, I can’t believe we give this much of a fuck.