Being a military significant other is no walk in a park by any means. We face many challenges on a daily basis, and the last thing we need added to those challenges is the ignorance of your average, everyday civilian. Being surrounded by people who don't understand how military relationships work is one of the utmost aggravating things we do every day. We're constantly on the receiving end of questions and statements from others that seem to come out very thoughtless to us. And quite frankly, some of them make you want to just scream.
If you're in a military relationship, I'm sure you can probably think of tons of questions or statements you get all the time that you are so tired of hearing, but here are a few that I find to be extra irritating as a Milso:
1. "Your boyfriend is in the military? That's so cute!"
NO. Military relationships are far from "cute." I get it, you see all these homecoming videos on Facebook and you think it's the sweetest thing. They're cute videos, but the entire relationship isn't always that exciting. It sucks leaving your significant other knowing that they may not have another homecoming. It's not all rainbows and butterflies and there's nothing cute about spending the majority of your relationship away from your significant other. We would all much rather have our significant other right by our side and it's emotionally draining.
2. "Why would you sign yourself up for that?"
If someone doesn't think a military relationship is some fairytale, they're usually at the extreme opposite side of the spectrum and think it's some horrible nightmare. No, I don't want to hear all about how you could never do it. We don't do it because we enjoy the military aspect of it all or the struggles that come with it. We didn't "sign up for this," we simply decided to support the man we love regardless of how hard it can be at times because he's worth it to us. Please keep your negativity to yourself because what we do is hard enough without being discouraged.
3. "Military couples only marry young for the money and benefits."
False. I cannot stress exactly how false this is, actually. Are there people out there who do this? Absolutely. However, you cannot generalize all young, married, military couples just because some people marry for those reasons. A lot of military couples marry young because they'd like to go ahead and start their life together rather than sit around and waste time until they've met the age that society tells them they should marry at. If anything, we're forced to grow up faster. Many people our age are out partying and treating life like it's a walk in the park. Well, when your significant other is stationed halfway across the country and you have to worry about whether or not they may be deployed and end up a casualty in war, you want to be with them. You don't care about their money or their benefits. All you want is their company.
4. People criticizing and putting down service members.
Now, you suddenly become sensitive to people criticizing the military. Being with a military member, you recognize the sacrifice they give on an entirely new level. They're living their lives away from their families and giving up a normal civilian life to serve and protect this country. You start to understand how much it changes the lives of not only your significant other who's serving but also their families and loved ones. Understanding their sacrifice on such a personal level only makes it that much more infuriating when you hear people criticize and put down service members.
5. You open up to someone about your struggles and they say "believe me, I know."
If you have never been in or are not currently in a military relationship, telling me you know is like an invitation to slap you. Your husband going on a business trip for the weekend is nothing like a deployment or being stationed thousands of miles apart. I understand that sometimes it's people who genuinely care about me who throw this line out there but if you've never been through it, please don't say this. You don't have the slightest idea what it's like or how it feels. Giving this "advice" is like asking a fish to climb a tree... pointless.
6. "Don't tell him you're upset. He doesn't need the distraction."
Do not tell me what I can and cannot speak to my own significant other about. If it concerns our relationship and we're the only two in the relationship, why would I want to tell someone else? My feelings are not a distraction to him because he is in the same position and actually understands what I'm feeling. I'm not going to try to explain it to someone who will never understand when I can easily talk to him about it and be comforted by someone who does understand. Your feelings are more than just a distraction to someone who cares about you.
7. "It'll be over before you know it."
Time does go by fast a lot of the time and we know that, but there are still days that just seem to drag on forever. On these days if we complain about missing our significant other, don't state the obvious by telling us time will go faster than we think. It's a lost cause and won't change the fact that we feel like it's going to be a lifetime until we see them again.
8."Just stay busy."
My response to this one? "Just let me stay in bed all day and wallow in self-pitty." Being busy and distracted only works while you're busy and distracted. No one has the energy to constantly be busy all the time. If I were to go do something every time I was missing my significant other, I would be in a constant state of exhaustion which would only make me even more emotional than I already am. Sometimes we just need to sit and have a good cry. Just let it happen without telling us what to do because you can't fix it by telling us to go exhaust ourselves.
Long story short, don't make assumptions and generalizations about military relationships or try to fix us when we're upset. Do not make us feel as if our relationship is something completely out of the ordinary. All we want is to be treated like a normal person without people constantly dissecting our relationship as if it's some kind of experiment. We knew what we were getting ourselves into and we can get ourselves through it because the one thing no one recognizes about our military relationship is just how strong it makes us.
