This past Thursday, I turned one.
Now, I know this doesn't make sense to most of you, but it is completely true because this time last year I had a stem cell transplant.
A Little Background
I've had Hodgkin's Lymphoma twice. This is a type of cancer that is found in the lymphatic system. During my first diagnosis, in 2013, I was treated with chemotherapy and radiation. The next time I was diagnosed, in 2015, I underwent more chemotherapy and an autologous stem cell transplant (otherwise known as a bone marrow transplant).
What is a stem cell transplant?
If we were computers, a stem cell transplant would be a "reboot"... but since we're not computers, this reboot isn't as easy as pressing and holding a button for a few minutes. The process actually takes about a month and includes an intense amount of chemo.
The point of the transplant is to get rid of your stem cells in hope of eliminating the disease.
That's right: The point of the transplant is to get rid of your stem cells. "Wouldn't that almost kill you?" Yes. That is the point.
The intense chemo kills off your stem cells, bringing all of your blood counts down to zero (meaning you have absolutely no immune system), and then you are rescued by new stem cells.
Which brings us full swing to the first line: My "re-birth" was a year ago and this past Thursday, I turned one.
What's the point of me sharing this?
The point is that this time last year, I was dying. I was in a hospital bed at 109 lbs struggling to get up to go to the bathroom. Can you believe that? I now walk around without a "fall risk" sign on me, I am a freshman in college and my old hospital room is a distant memory.
This past year I have been so focused on getting back to "normal" that I lost track of how much God has blessed me.
A wise woman from my church recently tweeted, "Don't lose sight of the past, not to remember your mistakes but to remember the miracles He's given you."
This struck gold when I read it. I had totally put aside all that God had done for me. I am living a normal life now — when this time last year I was barely living at all. He has given me so much and has blessed me with so many amazing people. So, here are some long-awaited Thank- You's:
To My Nursing Staff
Thank-you for inspiring me to want to be in your shoes. You showed 110% devotion in everything: from changing my bed sheets to helping me with my homework. Your compassion was obvious, and you always did anything to make me feel more at home. You never hesitated to lend an ear to my concerned parents, and you always sought out answers when the doctors weren't available. You became a part of our family for a short time, and I am so thankful that God placed such amazing nurses in my life.
To My Community of Support
My family, my friends, my church, my classmates, my mom's Facebook friends... The list here is endless. I read every post, and I hung up every card (until I was forced to take them down due to "dust-risk"). Every note sent to me made me smile. You never let me forget that the whole world was standing behind me. You made my small victories feel like I had conquered the world. You sent meals to my family and made sure that they didn't forget to take care of themselves. I thank you all for being such blessings in my life.
To My "Babysitters"
From my grandma to my siblings (and many more), thank you for sitting with me and making sure that all my needs were taken care of. You kept me company during my month of isolation, which made me feel a little more sane. You encouraged me to play games and get out of bed. You stayed in my room for hours watching TV, and sat patiently while I was sleeping. You made time go a little faster, and I am forever thankful for you.
To My Boyfriend
You were my first call when I was first diagnosed, and you were in the room when I got the news the second time. Through it all, you have been there. You always kept my heart happy and never looked at me any differently. Nothing made me more excited than getting a call from you or receiving the "I'm on my way" text. You gave me something to look forward to, and you always pushed me to get up out of bed. You wiped my tears, never let me pout, and you always knew how to change my mood. God knew what he was doing when he placed such a goofy and caring man in my life.
To My Parents
Mom and Dad, thank you. You both sacrificed more than anyone will ever know for me. You put your lives on hold as you sat and watched me struggle daily. You endured all of my sass on my bad days and were who I called for when I didn't want anyone else. You made sure there was always someone at the hospital for me so I never felt alone. You two never missed a beat through it all, and you made sure I had nothing to worry about as you carried the weight of it all. I can't say it enough; I am beyond thankful that God placed you two together.
Lastly, to God
I will always be thankful for God's love, and his ability to provide. He helped my family stay strong in this time of great trial.
In 2015, a month before I would be re-diagnosed, I attended a church camp. One night, the speaker at this camp spoke out of the book of Judges and explained the story of Gideon. Gideon started off as a man of fear but became a great prophet. Before he became a man of great faith, he lived in doubt. The Lord sent an angel to him who said,"The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior." This verse has stayed very close to my heart because God called Gideon a "Mighty Warrior" before he did anything. Gideon had no idea what lied ahead. He wasn't anything special, and neither are we... but he calls us all Mighty Warriors.
God works in the coolest of ways, and I wholeheartedly believe that He meant for me to hold that verse in my heart. I had no idea what was to come or how things would work out, but He did. He knew. He was with me through it all and he always would be. This verse was my daily reminder that he was there and that nothing could stand against. Not even cancer.
So, I thank God. For all that He's done, and all that he will do. He is good and will help us through it all.
I hope that my reflection doesn't make you feel pity, but encourages you to look at your own life to remember what God has done for you.
He is with you, Mighty Warrior.
