1. Upon entering a fraternity you look at all the doors to find the easiest exits.
While it may look like you're just admiring the house, you're actually logistically planning how you're going to get away with that night's heist.
2. Your room is covered in fraternity paddles, composites, and trophies.
It's so nice that those boys got all dressed up because they look great in your living room. So do their paddles.
3. Certain houses hide their valuables when they hear that you have arrived.
You have officially become that girl but, like, no shame in the game, right?
4. You consider yourself a good blackout runner.
Partly because that's how you pull off half the stuff you do, partly because you have to run away from people who want their things back, but you like to attribute it to your work-out earlier that day.
5. Your social chair has asked on behalf of a house that you recently had an event with, for their items back.
9/10 times it was you who took it, and she knows that, but who's to say for sure?
6. You tell yourself it's only a (blackout) phase.
Because it is.
7. You can guarantee that most of the alcohol and shot glasses that you have are not yours.
Most of the time they just magically appear on your desk after a “successful" night out. You may have had a Burnett's baby that night in order to get it back to your room, but it's not like you're complaining now.
8. You've stolen from established places, not just frats.
You may have walked out of a bar with a pitcher once or twice. Maybe they were just too stunned to come hunt you down, and maybe it was talent.
9. You strategically steal as you're getting ready to leave.
It's not like you've ever done this before….
10. You take dares about stealing things very, very seriously.
Not even bolts to the wall can stop you from stealing something- you will pry that sh*t down if it means defending your honor! Not like there is any honor among thieves but…
11. Half the tops you own are brotherhood barcrawl shirts.
You definitely didn't go on that…nor did you get it through shacking… How exactly you got it? That's one for the books.
12. You strategically take items based off of what you actually need (not just what you think you need).
You're running low on office supplies? Not anymore. You just took 8 packs of Post-It Notes and a stapler. You're good.
13. You've asked a friend, who rarely steals, to take things on your behalf.
Gotta give everyone a fair opportunity. Also, you were definitely being watched that night….
14. You have been formally kicked out of at least 2 different places as a result of your... hobby....
No regrets. You needed that item, and if they're going to kick you out...well, their loss. You were the life of the party anyways.
15. You know secrets about fraternities as a result of your snooping prior to stealing.
Did you know that Y fraternity has X fraternity's charter? Because when you were taking that composite you definitely saw it in their basement (and almost took it).
16. Leggings, purses, and jackets are an absolute must for you when going out!
Mostly because you store your stolen goods there (that paddle was definitely shoved down your pants at one point), but also because they make you look hot.
17. “This is mine now" might as well have been your first words as a child.
Partly because they are definitely the first words to come out of your blacked out mouth as you sprint down the block with your newest rug/poster/sweatshirt.
18. You can feel your net worth rise with every steal.
You might have only been worth $4 prior to taking this item (which might have been in part why you physically needed it), but now it's yours and you are worth more as a result.
19. You look forward to Christmas time because it now means fraternities have trees with presents underneath that you can steal.
That Slip N Slide you took might have been a present for someone, but that night, it became a fun time for you.
20. You live your life by the motto “It's not illegal unless you get caught."
While this is incredibly risky at times, you have way better stories than most people you know. You advise everyone to live this way.
21. People actually come to you when they want something.
Because if they can't do it, maybe you can.
22. You don't limit yourself to just your typical fraternity gear, you'll also get away with taking street signs, traffic cones, and really anything you see.
What, like it's hard?
23. Your goal is to take anything that is just small enough to be taken without notice, but something big enough to leave a hole in the owner's heart that cannot be replaced.
You want to feel bad about it, but honestly you just don't.
24. Exchanges are a great time for you because you always come home with more costume pieces than you went in with.
It's fine, they were given to you as gifts by your many admirers.
25. If you steal from someone you know, sometimes you check in to see if they ever figured out who it was/noticed it was missing.
You just so happen to casually mention how they'd feel if their paddle was stolen, even though you stole it earlier that week. Guess they just don't know yet....
26. You have actually used the stuff you took as a way to figure out what the hell you did last night.
“Ohhhh, so I went to that frat…."
27. You've managed to steal intangible items.
You now know the door code to not 4, but 5 different frats!
28. Stealing is not just something you do for fun, but on occasion it's a way for you to get back at those who have really just pissed you off.
Oh, that frat “forgot" to invite you to their most recent rager? Well, now you have all their TV remotes, so who's the real winner now?
29. When you do shack, you wake up extra early to have your pick of whatever you want from their room.
Talk about a real shack trophy.
30. Despite not being on campus, you've learned that taking things on spring break is an absolute must.
If you don't have a different stolen shirt from everyday you were at Gulf Shores, were you really there at all?
31. You can guarantee that any shirt you steal has letters on it.
That way, when you look your most ratchet, you won't be reppin' your house poorly.
32. And all those stolen shirts? Ya, they have their own designated drawer.
You want to be able to show others your collection at any given moment.
33. Even when you're past your frat days, these items are not discarded, rather they are passed down, or sold to the highest bidder in your house.
Because who wouldn't want your stuff?
34. You have actually been referred to you as the house klepto, on several occasions.
At this point you might as well accept it, you earned (stole?) that title.
