Every other Sunday. That is what it used to be. Twice a month, a whole Sunday. In bed. In the bathroom. In the kitchen. All times. Headphones in. iPod classic. Lord of The Rings Extended Cuts. All. Day.

Being an only child and figuring out how to pirate movies eventually led me to download the Lord of The Rings movies that I had always loved watching, and put them, alongside other movies, into a device which I would never put down after, until this day. Among my life with headphones in, Lord of The Rings is a big part, because twice a week, you tend to obsess over what is arguably one of, if not the best, story ever told.

Now, there comes a point when you try to figure out how you’d make it in Middle Earth. Will you have to take your chance as a mere Man of Gondor or Rohan? I mean, that doesn’t necessarily mean a bad life, but it could get hairy pretty quick. No matter how much love you have for Boromir, he’s gonna go down after that third arrow.

You might look over at the Elves perhaps. Fairest of the land, that is already some pressure on it. However, as cool as elves are, I can’t help but feel a bit eerie around them. Legolas is exempted because the shit he pulls in battle is of epic proportions. But other elves, eek. Lord Elrond is pretty cool as well I guess, but it’s kinda on him that Isildur never threw the ring. I would have honestly just 300’ed him and kicked him into the fires of Mount Doom.

Dwarves are pretty funny. I picture them like extremely buff pit bulls. Just small in size, but with the energy and anger issues like the Tasmanian Devil. I don’t know if i could handle Gimli’s beard, or have the ego that is needed to compete against Legolas on battle headcount. However, that is not to say Gimli has no game. Still, dwarves usually don’t get the best lifestyle, and I personally would not want to be underground for my entire life, obsessed over precious jewels. At least they can hold their liquor, just not as much as elves.

Wizards are an obvious choice. Gandalf not only comes back to life, but just turns over any battle he comes into at the last second. The knowledge and wisdom that Gandalf possesses is any person’s dream. But, be weary, for you might just end up like Saruman. That would be my biggest worry, that if I were bestowed with wizard powers, I would never want to become corrupted.

Aragorn is an absolute savage. The first time I actually thought smoking a pipe was cool was when he lit up in The Prancing Pony, but jut anything Aragorn does is jaw dropping. Hunting skills, armed skills, survival skills, the dude is awesome. But, I would not want all the pressure that is put on him. It’s a lot of weight on your shoulders to be Isildur’s heir.

It took over ten years to realize what I truly wanted was staring at me this whole time. Sleep, peace, eating my face off, having a drink, and above all, walking barefoot. Shit, I guess I’m nothin’ but your plain old Hobbit looking for adventure. ~ad astra ultraque