MSU has only canceled classes six times in university history. SIX. TIMES. Because, you know, Spartans Will almost die trying to get to class because MSU refused to cancel classes. Here are 13 things that are more likely to happen than MSU canceling classes:

1. Starbucks will start giving students free coffee 

2. MSU will stop giving out parking tickets 

3. Conrads will open back up on Grand River

4. The Red Cedar River will dry up 

5. Ricks will shut down 

6. Harpers will do half-off every night

7. MSU will give all the students sled dogs to get to class

8. UofM football will win a national championship 

9. Ohio will cease to exist and become another Great Lake 

10. Midwesterners will stop saying "ope"

11. Farmhouse will become the most popular frat

12. Sparty will get hit by a CATA bus 

13. MSU's administration will consist entirely of squirrels (this is basically our only chance)

Frostbite? Hypothermia? Crashing your car? None of that matters when you're a Spartan, at least not to administration anyways. Pain is temporary, GPA is forever (even with a few missing fingers).