So what are you? Where are you from? These questions, although normal to ask, they are hard for me to answer. Of course, I give them the regular answer of the city I was born, but there is much more to it than that. I am stuck in the middle and do not know which way to lean.
When it comes to knowing which culture I should identify myself with, it suddenly becomes complicated to answer that question of 'what are you?' I love my Mexican background and being able to live it, but I was not born there. Therefore when I would travel to Mexico, I was known as the "gringa"(slang for a white girl) around my parents' hometown. At a young age, I sometimes cried because I was not a "gringa." I was not white! When it was time to come back to reality, coming back home from vacation, I was Mexican here in the US. Throughout my childhood, it was not much of a problem because my hometown was, and still is, predominantly Latino.
During school, when we would take state tests or when I started applying to colleges, we would have to bubble which race we were. I always had to bubble white. Why? I was not white! Back then, of course, I was not aware of the difference between race and ethnicity. These little things made it even more difficult to know who I really was.
The real identity crisis began when I arrive at college. A handful of Latinos around me and about too many white people. No, I don't have anything again you guys. I am just stating facts. I was not used to that. It was difficult to make friends because what I was once called a "gringa" for being from the US, now I was Mexican for not looking white enough.
I watch soccer, so let us take a game of México VS the US. Who do I go for? Which way do I lean? When I was younger I did not know the problem, so I would go for México because that is who my parents would cheer for. I grew up, learned more about myself, and thought, ‘if I cheer for México at a public American place, people will judge me, but if I cheer for the US, then I would be betraying my background.’ It was never easy. Having to answer all these questions to others and to myself of who I was.
Do not get me wrong, I absolutely love my Mexican culture. I basically grew up in Mexico half the time, but it just gets difficult to identify myself with full Mexicans because I am not like them and vice versa with Americans.
My Mexican friends say I am too white, and my white friends say I am too Mexican. Do you see the problem? In the end, I just call myself Mexican whether people think I am or not, that is not my problem. I consider myself Mexican. I am universal. It is easy for me to respect each race/ethnicity/religion/etc because I have come to realize the difficulty that comes with not being completely white. Just remember, whatever you are, do not be embarrassed by it, just be proud of it because you cannot change it.
