By the time you read this, the next U.S. presidential election will be hours away. And you've likely heard from some that this could well be the final run for the White House. Ever. All because of what will happen if "He Who Shall Not Be Named, But His Toupee Probably Smells Like Nair" gets the keys to 1600 Penn.

"I don't like Hillary, but we can't let Him win! I'm voting for her, because if He gets in, we're screwed."

"A vote for Jill Stein is a vote for that madman to get into office."

"Hillary is for the downtrodden. She actually cares about working people, unlike Him."

"We all need to vote Hillary to keep Him out."

You've probably heard versions of these quotes repeated over the last five months. I know I have, and, quite frankly, it ranks of more garbage than a bootleg Jersey Shore DVD. A monkey that's just digested his banana lunch has less crap in him that this argument.

The way Hillarybots and Co. are using this fearmongering tactic to ensure a Clinton resurgence in D.C reeks of how He's used fears of brown immigrants to turn poor whites into His personal troops at the polls, rifles at the ready.

Stop me if you've heard this one before:

"Can you imagine Him in the White House and His finger on the (nuclear) button? We'd be in wars every week!"

No, I can't imagine Him fingering that button every week (especially since his pervy little hands will probably be more preoccupied with trying to finger his female staffers.) But I don't have to imagine how Hillary would use that button - because she's arguably spammed it to Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 levels.

Back when Hillary was our First Lady, she pressed that button in conjunction with Bill to invade Haiti, which destabilized the country further.

She danced with that button when she convinced her hubby to bomb Serbia in 1999, a decision that ultimately killed over 2,000 civilians and displaced over 200,000 ethnic Serbians from their homes.

She dribbled that button between her index fingers when she supported the 90s economic sanctions in Iraq that killed over 500,000 kids, a price that Madeline Albright - who Hillary convinced Bill to make the U.S. Secretary Of State - deemed "worth it."

That button flirtation continued with Hillary's entry into the NY Senate in 2000 and Secretary of State role in 2009. Those stints saw her openly support the Iraq war, back "a bold escalation of the Afghanistan war," Obama's drone strikes in Libya and her current support for the Syrian war - which has killed over 250,000 Syrians and displaced 10 million citizens.

So when Killary says He will start a war if He wins, she could very well be talking about herself. But, of course, liberals will cover her when hit with these facts. They might simply say, "People die in war - at least she's more well-tempered than he is."

Or maybe they'll be like my aunt, who, when I mentioned Hillary's record, gave the most asinine defense: "We're all racist, as determined by God."

Liberals I've spoken with did the same thing when pressed about Obama's record deportations. They became ostriches and stuck their heads in the sand, offering the tired, "It's the Republicans' fault!"

And when/if Hillary becomes elected - which is very likely - they'll ignore her history to coo at "America's First Woman President."

They'll ignore the moment she signs another crime bill into law to create and lock up more "superpredators."

"Superpredators" such as the early 90s Shawn Carter, who's caping for Hill today under his more famous moniker. Her love affair with Main Street will continue unbothered, and the rich will get richer. And everybody else? Well............................

But it'll all be okay. Because we'll have a female president, peeps! That's the most important thing here. Nothing else matters!

"Pomp and Circumstance" will ring through the streets and confetti will shower everyone near the Clinton campaign's Brooklyn Heights offices. Feminists and journalists worldwide will write articles proclaiming Clinton's victory as "Sexism Dealt Massive Blow In Historic Win."

And while the Orange Man crawls back under his diamond-encrusted rock as people point at Him and laugh, America will be too focused on having avoided that bullet to notice they're bleeding from a gaping stab wound instead.