2016 painted a picture of hell on Earth mixed with a little bit of tequila and pineapple. This year I learned what it really feels like to have your heart broken repetitively. No, I'm not speaking of my engagement being ended in February, or the end of my teen years the following week. I'm speaking of the losses of the people that I love most. I learned how to mix drinks (for people of age for legal consumption), and ate a lot of good food like pizza and pineapple. I was diagnosed at the end of spring semester with ADHD and anxiety disorder and lost about 15 pounds from the medication.

Basically, my year was full of disappointment. My grades have been subpar, my motivation is at an all time low, and while I could be in a relationship, the thought of being a part of someone else's life again scares me.

That's the word: scared.

2016 has left me scared. I am terrified of walking into work with the news of another death. I am unable to function if I don't take my medicine for fear that I won't be myself. I'm afraid of losing my frail grandpa as he is made comfortable via hospice. I can't share my deepest thoughts or problems with anyone because I'm afraid they've got their own and don't need the stress of mine. I'm afraid to move left because I was supposed to go right.

2016 has been hell. It's been the monster hiding under my bed and the clown holding a chainsaw in my path.

But I have learned from my fear and I will enter 2017 fearless.

I will not have a filter and embrace the death of my beloved elderly residents. I will share with others all the problems I have in the world and then some. I will be happy. I will not let fear steal another year because I've only got so many years left.

Kiss my behind, 2016, I'm leaving you in the past.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Fearless Miranda