In my time at UNI, I've had some tough times. I've gone through some things that I wouldn't dream of anyone else going through. I've lived through the pain of not wanting to live. I've lived through losing someone I thought I'd end up marrying. I've lived through losing a best friend because of differences we could've done nothing about. I've really gone through so much. But there's one thing I never pictured myself having to go through or hear...
It was about two weeks ago, I was having an extremely tough time mentally. I didn't want to get out of bed, I was afraid of what I'd do if I did get up. No one knew about it because I didn't want to concern anyone. I guess I didn't even want to concern myself with it.
Now at any college, you are destined to have a group project or two. It sucks. Everyone hates it, but you get through it. As most college students, I have an extremely busy schedule with work, class, life, dealing with mental health, etc. But, I try my hardest to make it work, even though sometimes it ends up crumbling around me. However, I was so busy and was having so many mental health issues, I wasn't able to work on the group project every single day like some of the others in my group, this cause a big situation. Such a big situation that I had to hear one of the worst things that anyone has ever said to me since I've been dealing with mental health.
I was told that "mental health isn't an excuse", and that "mental health doesn't give you a reason to not get things done, everyone has problems". Imagine hearing this come from someone you knew and knew well. But I didn't even get to hear it, it was sent to me though a group text. I was in public and had to read that message. Like anyone else would that struggles through mental illness, I broke down right then and there. I cried ugly crying tears. I was shocked that anyone would say that, especially on a campus that supports and is an advocate for mental health.
I get that it is difficult for people who don't experience or have to deal with mental health issues to assume that you're fine, just a little sad; that's honestly no the half of it. The days I'm having issues make me feel like I'm dying. My body and mind shut down, I feel like I'm drowning, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. If I could, believe me I would. Mental illness hinders your life, work life, school life. It messes up everything. It makes life hard to live.
The moral of this story, however, is realize that people are going through struggles you may never know about. Realize that mental illness is a REAL thing that people have to deal with on an everyday basis. Realize that mental illness and mental health ALWAYS should come before school and life, because if you're mentally unstable, or mentally ill, you're not going to be able to have a healthy and well school and personal life.
Take care of yourself. Make you a priority. Listen to your head, and realize when something is wrong. You'll be okay. Just keep your head held high, and keep going.
