Mental Health.

Two words many people are familiar with, whether they have suffered from mental health illnesses or know someone who has. Mental health is important, yet it is 2018 and society still doesn't get that. People are still scared to talk about it, to admit that they may have something "wrong" with them. Let me tell you, it takes a strong person to admit they are struggling with their mental health, and it takes an even stronger person to reach out to their support system to talk about it. If you have grappled with your own mental health, or know someone who has, then this article is for you.

If I am going to be completely honest, I used to sweep mental health under the rug. I used to pride myself on being "mentally stable." If I'm being honest, I didn't think that depression, anxiety or even OCD truly crippled people the way that it does. I used to think that, until I was affected by them.

This past spring, I decided to work two jobs along with starting nursing school and being involved in some clubs at my college. As you can imagine, things quickly took a deep dive and, although my grades remained stable, my mental health did not. In March of 2018, I was diagnosed with anorexia, although my eating disorder had started to creep into my life about a year or so before I was diagnosed. Along with anorexia, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I started going to The Emily Program to get help for my eating disorder.

It was a 12-week intensive outpatient program and I thought that I would go through the program, and in 12 weeks, my problem would be solved. I had not yet learned that recovery, along with mental health stability, is not linear. As I continued my treatment at the Emily Program, along with working my two jobs and being a full-time student, my mental health continued to plummet, and I quickly became suicidal. I never thought that I would be suicidal.

But here's the thing about mental health, it does not discriminate. Just ask my friends, family or some people who knew me from class; I was, and still am, friendly and outgoing. All this, despite the fact that I was struggling terribly with my mental health.

I want you to know that just because someone seems okay on the outside does not mean that they are okay on the inside.

I know that you have probably heard this phrase millions of times, but it is true. We have no idea what battles other people are facing, whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. We are not allowed to tell someone that their pain is not real, yet we do, constantly. And I'm guilty of it too.

I never understood the pain of struggling with mental health until I lost myself. I remember looking in the mirror and having absolutely no idea who the person staring back at me was, and I felt lost for a really long time. I felt myself becoming more and more entangled in my eating disorder, depression, OCD and anxiety, and they wore me down to the point that I thought life would be easier not being lived. And I can't imagine how many other people silently go through the pain of struggling with their mental health every single day. Silently slipping away.

I want you to know this: if you are struggling with your mental health you are not weak. I understand that your battle may be silent, but that does not mean that it is not a battle. You are a fighter, and you fight your demons every single day when you decide to continue to live your life, despite the pain and the fear that each new day may bring. I want you to know that there is hope for you. You deserve to be heard, to be loved, you deserve to live a life free from your disorder.

To those who know someone who is struggling with their mental health, do not dismiss it, do not invalidate it. I was fortunate enough to have people in my life who took my mental health seriously, and they stood by my side and reminded me that I was still worthy of love, even when I hit the bottom of the barrel. And that is what saved my life.

Here are some helpful resources for more information on mental health disorders:

Eating Disorders: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/, https://www.emilyprogram.com/

National Eating Disorder Hotline: 1-800-931-2237

Suicide Awareness and Prevention: https://afsp.org/, https://save.org/

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

If you are looking for more information on anxiety, depression and OCD, the National Institute of Mental Health has great information and resources.