As someone who has ongoing mental health struggles, one of the ways it is channeled through is through the state of my room. More often than not, I have clothes littering the floor and a coffee cup or two scattered around my various surfaces. I do have good days where my room looks like a rough sketch of a Pinterest picture, yet by the end of the week, I am back to my tornado. Some people chalk it up to laziness, I chalk it up to my mental health.

Let's dive into what I have in my room right now:

1. Three bowls of various food items.

Sometimes when I do not have the energy to get out of bed or am trying desperately to work on homework rather than play Stardew Valley, I go and get a bowl of pretzels or goldfish. Those bowls, however, sit on the dresser adjacent to my bed waiting to be filled with a crisp salty snack.

2. Two coffee cups and one smoothie cup.

It is no secret to anyone that knows me that coffee is my entire life. I have a silver coffee bean necklace and a coffee cup tattooed on my arm (that is an article for another day though). Every day I wake up and have a cup of coffee or two and by the time it gets to lunch or dinner I do not want coffee.

Instead of making myself an entire meal, I make a great smoothie. I use protein powder, greek yogurt, bananas, and berries. I try to make sure I am getting some nutrients and stay as healthy as I can on days like these. When your depression keeps you in bed, the last thing you want to do is make a meal for yourself. So the smoothie comes in handy when it is packed full of nutrients. The cups get claimed into the cave of my room, named depression.

3. My laptop at one hundred percent charge.

I am majoring in English Literature so naturally, I write a lot of papers. Currently, I am working on two. Not only are these papers on my computer, but they are on Youtube, Steam, and other school things that I do with my laptop. It is important for me to have my laptop charged and ready at all times so that I can work on my paper sitting against my wall one hour and then play Stardew Valley laying in my bed for three hours. (Sorry guys, I am obsessed!). This is the perfect thing to have in my bed with me because I don't need anything more in my bed with the world at my fingertips, especially when depressed.

Sometimes a distraction is perfect when you can't work any harder than your brain wants.

4. Six blankets.

My dream in life is to have a weighted blanket because my preference is to feel like Hagrid from Harry Potter is sitting on top of me when I sleep. Even though people want a weighted blanket because it proves to help with your mental health, there is actually no concrete scientific study to back that up.

5. My entire closet is on my floor (sorry mom).

This is probably the most common theme in my room. My floor is constantly covered in clothes. Even now I am looking at my floor to find rivers of carpet through the forest of textiles. I have tried a lot to combat this, and what happens to me is classic Jillian. I work hard at cleaning my room, I sort dirty clothes and clean clothes and try to put everything away. I am tired by the time I have to hang up my clothes in my closet, I hang half of them up, and then I decided that I did really good today and will either do homework or watch Youtube until it is too late. And then the cycle starts all over again. (I know this is the one thing I need to do better and take better control over, love you mom!)

6. A drawer full of snacks.

Circling back to the empty bowls that were wishing for a snack, I also have a backup drawer for smaller food and candy options. Usually, my go-to in my drawer is a cliff bar or some red-skinned peanuts. I try and keep to drawer healthy, but I slip in the occasional Dove chocolate for when I just need a little pick me up (they also have cute little notes in them that make me smile).

7. My school backpack at the foot of my bed.

"Out of sight, out of mind" totally doesn't work with homework. I put my backpack on the edge of my bed as a constant reminder that I do have homework and should be responsible for what I do. Then, I begin to feel so guilty that I do homework for a while and put the backpack at the foot of my bed to try and hide the shame I feel for feeling too tired or unmotivated to do work. The cycle repeats the next day; even though I get better at it each day.

8. Essential Oil Diffuser next to my Amazon Alexa.

I have read countless articles that talk about how lavender helps with your anxiety and essential oils are great for your mental health. I don't entirely buy into it, just because I don't believe that anything can just stop anxiety. I keep the essential oils diffuser on because it is my favorite scent and I always feel better when I smell it. This sits next to my Amazon Alexa, which is the highlight of my room, in my opinion. If I ever feel sad or get lonely, I ask it a few questions or ask for it to tell me a good joke. It will even compliment you if you ask for it. It's the perfect artificial companion!