With the school year ending, we have more time to pay attention to ourselves, our needs and our wants. Days spent tanning at the beach or pool, bonfires under the stars with great music and s’mores, BBQs, shopping and movies all set the backdrop for those typical girl talks you have with your friends. Just last night, on a late night run under the darkness with my girlfriend, we picked our conversation up where we left off several months ago: on the never ending saga of men and the search to discover what makes them tick. I often wonder if guys sit around talking about how confusing women can be.
Many times this year, stretched out on my mother’s bed, I recounted numerous questions of why. Why do guys do this, why do guys want that? The never ending conversation is still going on, although it has transitioned from her bed, to the kitchen, to the car, to text messages and long phone calls.
I love to get the opinions of people with greater experiences of successful and failed relationships with those of the opposite sex. I have heard countless stories of solicited and unsolicited views on the male mind. My dad, when lacking a better understanding, asks if I have read the book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," as if, by the sheer title, it has the answers as to why things between the sexes are the way they are. Unfortunately, it does not. And, no, Dad, I have not read the book.
What is this book, anyway? After doing a little research on the internet, I discovered that this New York Times bestseller seller by John Grey, published in 1992, attempts to help, "Improve relationships between men and women through understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite sex." As suggested by its title, the book asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets, and that "learning the code of conduct of the opposite sex is of essential value even if individuals do not necessarily conform to the stereotypical behavior.”
After observing how my dad deals with relationships, I question if he has ever read it. Maybe he just throws around the title in an attempt to avoid answering my questions. Needless to say, I have stopped asking him.
I am a relationship person. I love experiences of all types, but unless I feel a deep respect and attraction toward someone, I am not going to get involved in a serious relationship. By serious, I mean, “I really like you and you really like me” kind of exclusivity. I do not mean drinking together and whatever happens after happens.
Clearly, not everyone is of the same mindset, but that does not mean we cannot still be friends and see what may or may not develop. Conversations, or a lack there of, comments on social media and story upon story shared by my sisters have lead me to believe that, for the most part, many people want to experience as much as they can while in college. This can be noted in experiences with different individuals. hy limit yourself? Yet, with many females, and I’m not saying all, interactions mean a lot more than they do to men. Women are wired different. We think different, our expectations are different… and that’s the reality. But many times as opposites we don’t realize that.
An evening with a female kissing by the fire may take on a different meaning to a guy. I understand this, I haven’t read the book, but it makes sense. But what doesn’t make sense to me is why it is so difficult to have friendships with those of the opposite sex without the sex and intimacy. Can’t we just see where it goes? I am not in a relationship; I am not necessarily looking for one either, but if it happens, great. From what I gather, while in college, people do not want a relationship. Experiences with a lot of different people yes, relationship, no. I don’t have a crystal ball. I don’t know who, what, where or when Mr. Right will come along, if ever... but I personally am enjoying embracing my life experiences and all those that come into it. I think nothing of sitting by a bonfire and talking and laughing with someone I see as a friend. I don’t know where things will take me, but aren’t the best relationships based on mutual respect and friendship?
Lately, it has come to my attention that women and men have a difficult time being friends. If the premise of the best relationships is based on friendship, why not take the time to develop that based on camaraderie? I have had guys stop talking to me because I didn’t know them well enough to expand my experiences so to speak. How can I know if I am attracted to you, beyond physically, if I barely know you? Why can’t we just forget about what gender we are and get to know one another on a friendship and mutual interest level before we start or stop talking to one another? Unless of course, we really have nothing apparent in common. My plans for this weekend fell apart when a really nice guy asked me if I could ever see myself with him? I don’t know, but the only way to get to know someone is through spending some time together and talking. Confused? Well I know I sure am. Apparently we are from different planets.
I found several interesting observations about the sexes that I wanted to share: The Moods of a Woman:
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
The Moods of a Man: Hungry, Horny, Sleepy
How to Impress a Woman: * Wine her, * Dine her, * Call her, * Hug her, * Support her, * Hold her, * Surprise her, * Compliment her, * Smile at her, * Listen to her, * Laugh with her, * Cry with her, * Romance her, * Encourage her, * Believe in her, * Pray with her, * Pray for her, * Cuddle with her, * Shop with her, * Give her jewelry, * Buy her flowers, * Hold her hand, * Write love letters to her, * Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
How to Impress a Man * Show up naked * Bring food * Dont block the TV
At the end of the late night run, with the breathless conversation about men, we have come to the conclusion again, we are no closer to understanding them as they lack in understanding us. Maybe one night when I have nothing better to do I will pick up John Gray’s book and find some clarity and answers or at the very least discover what planets we are from. Until then, it is still a mystery.
Read more about Men Are From mars, Women Are From Venus here: http://www.rudyh.org/men_from_mars_women_venus.htm...
