When you meet someone new, there’s always the first impression, which can make or break everything that follows. You try to maintain eye contact, and not come across as the person who forgets how to act in a social environment. Maybe you’ll share a few laughs, some smiles here and there, and realize you just met another decent human being who actually shares your interests. You talk about your favorite things- movies, music, food, etc. However, it is considered quite rare, to click with someone so easily upon meeting them.
From your very first conversation, you can sense immediately that you could talk for hours with this person and not lose interest. Over time, you learn about past relationships, family drama, college and career goals; you experience firsthand the person’s flaws and quirks and the little details that make them unique. You learn their habits, their pet peeves; what bothers them, what makes them feel nostalgia, what gives them the purest smile of joy. And you only learn about this person if you’re lucky.
Not everyone believes in luck. I’m not completely sure if I do. But to say that I met that someone on pure chance or luck, diminishes how truly special the experience feels. To learn so much about a person, where it feels like you’ve known them for years, and have been friends for the longest time. When in reality, you’ve gotten to know each other so well in such a short amount of time. This type of personal interaction is extraordinary. And sometimes, it doesn’t feel like reality.
It feels like the type of phenomenon that comes once in a blue moon, and it happens suddenly all at once. You never thought you could be so comfortable with another person. You’re unapologetically yourself and you begin to stop holding back certain sides of your personality. You learn to trust this person and let them see the parts of your mind that you often hide. They accept you as an imperfect human being and their presence in your daily life begins to grow.
One day, you might even become best friends with this person.
You might one day fall in love with this person.
And the thought of that is terrifying.
You know deep within, that you’ve had your heart broken before, and maybe if you’re like me, you’ve broken someone else’s too. You don’t want to feel vulnerable; you don’t want to be taken advantage of again. You don’t want to give your heart to someone else and then lose everything that means the most to you.
You can call this overthinking. I know plenty of people who would. But if meeting someone feels rare and special, aren’t you supposed to take the risk? To stay in the present, and keep them in your life for as long as you can? If they make you forget all of the emotionally distressing parts of your life, and make you feel alive; as if you could actually be happy and just smile and laugh the night away.
In all honesty, I feel very conflicted. I search for every negative and everything that could possibly fail, which is one of the worst things that you could do to yourself. Every time something good comes along, I know in the back of my mind that it won’t last. The sense of happiness is fleeting. I prepare myself for the downfall, pretending like everything’s going well when it’s not.
In the end, no one can give you the right answer. I can’t give you the right answer. The only answer that you’re looking for is inside yourself. Inside your heart and mind. You can let yourself be your own worst enemy, but where will it get you? Take the risk or don’t take the risk; only you can decide what you feel is right.
