How often do you walk into a store and find the perfect pair of shoes, but you don't get paid until next friday? For me, this happens all the time. Well, I don’t have a job, so I don’t even get paid but thats not the point. The shoes fit perfectly, are comfortable and the color will match just about everything in my closet. Perfection. While these shoes are perfect, they came at exactly the wrong time. It's safe to say this "perfect match at the wrong time" happens between people, as well.
Life feels like an endless road of dating the wrong person, or not even dating. You wonder what you can do to speed up the process of finding your soulmate, or what steps you can take to stumble across love faster. I am ashamed to say that my loneliness has resulted to hours of swiping on Tinder, hoping that maybe I will swipe right and match with my soulmate. Disclaimer: This has yet to happen to me and I have spent three years on Tinder, so don’t feel bad if you have yet to swipe right on your perfect girl or guy. Now, my love story isn’t all depressing. I recently met someone that I feel very strongly about and surprise, it wasn’t on Tinder. This guy and I actually attended high school together and we even almost dated at one point. It didn’t work out back then because I was a ruthless teen and told him to his face that he was a bad kisser. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last very long.
Throughout the rest of high school, we didn’t talk very much, and the only interaction we had was the occasional, awkward "hello" in the hallway. I hated myself for the rest of high school because not only was he the cutest guy in school, but we were perfect for each other. The music we listened to was the same, our personalities, and our humor all matched perfectly. But, silly me, I messed it up…until a couple of weeks ago.
We ran into each other at a live music event downtown and struck up a conversation right away. The band was just some local group and half of them were wearing kilts; it was weird, but it gave us something to laugh about. I was with my mother that night and she was being so blatantly obvious she thought I should talk to him. My mom and I always dance when we go to this event, so she kept trying to get us out there to dance to the tunes this kilted band was playing. Little did she know, I pretty much ruined the kid's self-esteem just a few years ago, so her nudges and eye winks were not helping. Luckily, I don’t think he held a grudge against me because of our awkward high school years, so everything was going just dandy. My mom got her wish, and we went out to the dance floor. In this moment, I thought this guy is perfect. Seeing him fearlessly head bang and dance with me to “Low” by Cracker, I couldn’t help but let myself grow feelings. I am going to be cliché for a minute and say I felt sparks. I am not one to feel that way about just anyone, but with him it was different. Silently, I thought to myself, maybe I have finally met (or re-met I guess you could say) the right person at the right time.
After dancing to the point of dripping sweat, we decided to call it quits. As my mom and I were getting ready to leave, she proceeds to say “Hey, let’s have a party back at our place!” I’m sorry, what? First of all, I have a very limited friends list while home from college. Second of all, my mom is not the party type. So I got the hint that she was pulling for this guy and really just wanted me to invite him over to hang out later. We laughed at her comment and kind of just ignored it, but in my mind I was thinking that this actually needed to happen. After getting in the car to head home, I boldly texted him and said “Come over tonight.” Much to my surprise (not really surprised at all), he agreed.
During our conversation on my roof with flashes of lightening illuminating the sky, he mentioned to me his leaving for the navy in a few days, stating that he would be in San Diego for three years. Pause. Right person at the right time? No. Right person at the wrong time. Yet again, my heart has been tortured into thinking that maybe something was going right. I was taken back and confused as to why we had to meet at the time that we did. It felt ruthless and torturous that the universe would do this to us. Despite his departure in a few days, we still hung out for the rest of the night, neither of us having planned to have the feelings that we were feeling. After hours on the roof and finding dinosaurs and dragon faces in the trees, I found out he was no longer a bad kisser.
We got lunch together the next day and painfully said goodbye to each other. I will admit, after shutting the door, I shed a tear or two. How often is it that you have a spark so strong with someone that after two days you cry watching them leave? Not often. So, after my example, I will offer my advice to those who have also met the right person at the wrong time.
First of all, just because it is the wrong time now, doesn’t mean that it will be the wrong time forever. You were brought together for some reason, so embrace that. Embrace the time that you had together and the connection that you had/have. In my case, I am hopeful that three years from now, after many letters, snapchats, and Skype calls, maybe he and I will be brought together again.
Secondly, dwelling on the fact you can’t be together now is only going to make your situation tougher and harder to handle. You need to continue living your life and not let whatever has drawn you both apart control you. Hang out with friends, go on adventures, and don’t be afraid to live without that person. I have found that when I focus on the things that are weighing me down, I get in this funk. But when I try and be happy despite my unhappiness, I find that my life gets a lot brighter and simpler.
Thirdly, don’t completely shut this person out of your life because you think that you can’t handle the painful time without them. So many people have told me to “Cut him off to make it easier on you,” but in reality, that will only make it harder. Don’t deny the connection that you have just because you think that if you don’t cut all ties, your life will be unbearable. Keep a friendship with them if you can, so that in the future if there is a better time for you to be together, you didn’t shut the right person out of your life years before.
And lastly, don’t beat yourself up if the right person really isn’t the right person. Sometimes we find ourselves falling too quickly and getting caught up in this ideal perfect person. Logically, just because you don’t end up with this person now, or ever, doesn’t mean there isn’t another right person out there for you; a right person that might even be more right for you then the person before.
Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be hell, but you can turn your situation around and look at it as luck. You’re lucky to have met this amazing person and you’re lucky fate may have brought you to your soulmate, even if fate didn’t have timing in mind.
