I was scrolling through one of my first Tumblr accounts, none of which stuck because I couldn't get into the public intimacy that is blogging, and I found one of my first posts from July 27th, 2011. I'll paint a picture for you. It was the summer before my junior year in high school. The stress and pressure of my future was starting to push in on the edges of my consciousness. My brother was about to go into his sophomore year at Rutgers and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life was coming closer to the forefront of my mind. The post reads as follows:
"Obviously, I am no artist or new wave hipster who blogs non-stop & has a following of a million people, but me, I like to get my thoughts down on paper, or rather, electronic devices. It helps with the healing process that is life. You see, I spent my morning having a heart to heart with two of my best friends. It wasn’t one of those sloppy emotional, heart-wrenching moments, but it was us being, well, us. Sometimes it’s hard to see who people really are; to get past all that clothing and that tightly wound label that is society. I learned more about them than I know about myself. You know when you finally beat that game of solitaire that you just couldn’t quite get at first? Or conquered a fear that has been bothering you so long that you didn’t even remember why it made you afraid in the first place? That is how I felt in those early hours this morning. Just from talking to them. I learned some new and interesting things about myself that I subconsciously knew the whole time. When you experience moments like that, you want to hold on to them for the rest of your life; like a life preserver. One day I know I will realize that I don’t need to hold on to it know that I will finally be able to float on my own, without any help. But for now, I am just me; whoever that may be."
It's funny, looking back at it now, how stressed I was and what I was going through on an emotional level. We all think that, in the moment, that one thing we are going through is the most important thing in the world, but we always get through it and we're onto the next thing. But then, on the other hand, we think our lives are going to be so different in 6 months or a year or even 5 years later.
Here I am, 5 years later. Still having hear-to-hearts with my best friends, talking about some of the same issues, as well as some newer experiences, but now I am better equipped to handle those situations. It's not about repeating experiences, but when those issues come up again, you know the second, third, ore hundredth time around how to float on your own.
