On my college campus, I recently witnessed a male student rush in front of a female student to politely open the door for her. Immediately her face turned to a scowl as she exclaimed, "You know you don't have to do that... I'm completely capable of opening the door myself."
This got me thinking about the concept of chivalry, and all the gentlemen out there that are overlooked.
The more I thought about it the more I was convinced, ladies -- maybe chivalry is "dead" because we killed it.
Before you start throwing rocks and statistics at me, let me say that this is a non-accusatory statement. Because I too, am guilty of what I am about to explain. I don't intend to point fingers, because there is a lot that goes into the concept of chivalry. However, my challenge to my fellow independent women is to take a step back and put on the lenses of a slightly different perspective.
There is a movement as women to be our own hero. Some would gag at the scenario of a damsel in distress. In today's society it seems that to desire romance like in the fairytales, means we are weak.
This societal expectation hurdles women into a mindset of utter independence, shaming the women whose quest for equal rights isn't extreme. We are told that we don't need men, and taught that they are only stifling our liberty, success, and happiness.
But I don't think that is always true.
By shoving your independence down the throats of men I ask -- are we fighting for equal rights, or do we fight in an attempt to gain authority over men?
As for the concept of chivalry, our quest for independence leaves men extremely confused. Through asserting our authority they feel our goal is to kill manners and alter standards of common curtsey. Men are afraid to be chivalrous, they "walk on eggshells" in their actions and conversations -- fearing their opinions and curious gestures may appear "sexist."
I understand this is not every woman, so about the women who do want their prince charming? Many of those ladies are simply convinced no polite men exist. Well it's time to change that perspective: polite gentlemen are out there, maybe you just don't look in the right places. Instead of focusing on finding your dream man, focus on becoming the type of person that your dream gentleman would want to encounter. I challenge you to step back and process -- how are you coming across? If you want a chivalrous man you need to be a woman that accepts, attracts, and desires such chivalry.
Last week a peer was speaking about her recent dinner with a good male friend. She went on about how he tried to "make moves" by paying for her meal, and how he was "like an overprotective boyfriend" for walking on the street side of the sidewalk when they were in a dangerous part of Los Angeles.
My question for her is how is that wrong? Why do we publicly shame men into hiding their kindness? There should be no automatic assumption his gestures of chivalry were an attempt to destroy your personal independence.
As women, our fight against generalizations and stereotypes must be valid and fair-- if we want men to quit making derogatory assumptions about us, we need to stop making assumptions about them.
There are scenarios where an independent perspective and quest for gender equality is important. I challenge my fellow woman to educate ourselves about specific statistics and issues before we go out preaching, in order to ensure all arguments are valid and just. Because if your only validation for gender inequality is feeling inferior when a gentleman is polite-- than you have no right to go around complaining that "chivalry is dead."
