A couple months ago, I had visited China during the Spring Festival. It was really cool, enlightening, and all that self-discovery stuff, but right now I don’t have time to ramble on (not that I wouldn’t want to, but it’s really late, I don’t want a heart attack from Red Bulls, and I hate writing deadlines). So here’s some context!
I went out with my cousin and his wife out to dinner at a Korean Barbeque afternoon. It was one of those self-serve kind of places, where they give you a heated surface in the middle of the table and you order those “high-quality” cuts of raw meat sliced thin so you can interact with your food and cook it yourselves. I had been to many of these restaurants in America, so this food experience by itself was nothing novel. No, it was my cousins that I took interest in.
As in the tradition of many cultures, the women of China are responsible for all house-keeping duties, like cleaning and cooking. Unlike other developed countries such as America, China has absolutely not grown out of this tradition. In fact, my cousin’s wife took pride in her ability to proficiently satisfy all the members of the house’s needs, including my own. I recall seeing her once painstakingly cracking open a variety of nuts, and I assumed it was simply for herself. However, she laid them out for everyone else to eat, not touching a single one for herself. Now this occurrence wasn’t only one day…it was every single night when we had nothing to do but watch comedic sketches on the TV.
This is simply one example of the many things she performed that I personally viewed as otherworldly. Living in America, it’s hard enough to get someone to pass the TV remote, let alone complete menial tasks for you.
Okay, now snap back to the restaurant: She starts doing everything yet again for us, placing the meat on the hot surface and when ready, served it to everyone else and rarely ever herself. This was a week or so into my stay in China, so I was far past just feeling sorry for her. In fact, I was almost angry that we were allowed to take advantage of what I perceived as kindness and weakness. So I proceeded to serve myself, refusing her services any longer. Her reaction was first one of surprise, but then I could tell she was actually slightly offended: I had insulted her that I didn’t accept her services. Me being the ignorant idiot I was, didn’t see the cultural perceptions and trounced over her with my self-righteous American attitude.
Fortunately, my cousins were young and thus have a progressive mindset. They were curious of why I would refuse perfectly competent help and prefer to exert effort myself. I explained how in America, telling a woman to serve you food would most likely end up with you on sleeping on the couch with a raw handprint ingrained on your face. Even as I told them about how from my cultural view, where each individual's rights as a human comes in front of their identity and that no one truly has a duty to perform from birth, I could see the gears turning in their minds. I had given them another option of living, another perspective as none of us were in the right or wrong. And with this, it seemed I had perhaps started an anarchic fire within her, one that I slightly regret.
A little part of her believed my view, and it created some conflict between the relationship between her and my cousin. As I spent much of my time in China hanging out with them, they began to argue more as she began to fight for her views where at other times she would just accept her role and move on. In a way I poisoned the well, as her happiness was tainted by ideals. However, ideals never ever actualize, just compromises. If her doubt overtook her identity and she “escaped” to America, all she would meet is disappointment. There are many ways to give purpose in life, and I have don’t feel as if we have the happiest, most fulfilled people in America. So how would you feel if the purpose of your life was put under investigation…would you look for answers? Would you be unsatisfied and unfulfilled for the rest of your life? Or would you forget about this ideal, and simply continue as if nothing happens? I have no clue to as to her answer so all I can really do is wonder…
