So I woke up early this morning... let's say, 5 a.m. I had awoken to what I had fallen asleep to earlier last night/this morning..."Forensic Files". For those not in the know "Forensic Files" is the amazeballs show that chronicles how modern day science helps solve crimes. Usually, these kinds of shows act as kind of an ointment on the slow burn of the never ending rape, death, kill news cycle, but this morning when I woke up to overhear the details how they used a squirrel hair to figure out who murdered whom, I couldn't help but want to be transported back to an easier time in my life. A time where all the gruesomeness in the world seemed to cease. A time where I finally figured out how to give my best lip. A time like yesterday morning.
If you are anything like me you love beauty! And hate it. But mostly love! And with the changing, dryer weather your lips chap, leaving you with a craggy landscape on your kisshole. Like seriously there must be a copycat Speck running around, cuz these lips are a brutal crime scene. I have not been able to keep a solid lip past the blot stage, as it moves and settles into the grooves. After some Google sleuthing I discovered that apparently l live in a hole in the ground and there is an easy go-around for this problem....
Concealer on your lips!
Upon first glance, this sounded idiotic. Why am I going to put more shit on my lips when more coats of lipstick just make things messy? The truth is simple. The concealer acts as a primer, filling in those dry cracks, and gives your lipstick/pencil/whateverthefuck you use to color your lips a smother (that was supposed to say smoother, but smother stays!) canvas to be applied onto. Actually not so pro tip: if you don't have a wide range of brushes, like myself, use a q-tip to apply the concealer on, and slightly around your lips. That not only gives you the power to get a base on your lips, but also allows you to subtly, or not so subtly, recreate your lip shape. Want a bigger cupid's bow? Draw it! Want fuller lips? Overline it! Do you, bruh. I went out and crushed my day. Like seriously, LIPSTICK LEVELED UP!
This morning, after I awoke to the squirrel hair murders, I got up to go to the bathroom. As I lumbered my body past the mirror I saw my lips, which after like over half a day and some sleep, were more or less, still intact. After so many trials and errors, so much trauma, so many times when I was just like, "Fuck it, I'll just wear lipgloss", I realized this was finally an end to my suffering. I just stood there in the glory of my perfect pout. When I got back to bed Forensic Files was over, and "Dr. Phil" was just beginning. Soothing Dr. Phil putting order back into this mad world after being exposed to all of this wretchedness. We wake up and we start anew. My lips survived, and so can you.
