Marry The Man Who Asks Your Dad First

Marry The Man Who Asks Your Dad First

A response to an article stating you shouldn't.
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Recently there was an article floating around on Facebook about how you shouldn’t marry a man if he asks permission from your dad first. At first I thought it was one of those articles that had a misleading title. I thought that maybe I would read it and agree with the opinion after seeing what it was. However, I think I disagree whole heartedly.

The author of the article says that the problem is that “asking for a dad’s permission got a massive historical problem behind it”. It references back to when there were arranged marriages and how women were “traded” for financial gain. While I understand completely the history of this tradition, I disagree that it solely ties back to the historical problem. Some traditions are nice and have more to them than the history behind it.

Six years ago my husband, at the time boyfriend, took my dad to lunch when he thought it was the time to ask me. He talked to my dad for a bit, listened to his opinions and even took some of them into major consideration. It was a simple lunch between two men that happened to love the same woman. In my opinion, it took a lot of nerve to sit down with my dad. He is a friendly person, but when it comes to family and his only daughter, he can come off as a little over protective. And standing at 6’3”, he can be a bit intimidating.

My husband knew that I valued my dad’s opinion immensely. My dad was the first man I ever loved. He was my first friend, my first dance, the first ear I confined in, the first person to show me how a man should treat a woman. If anyone would know whether or not I had met the one, other than me, it would be my dad. Parents have this inner feeling, intuition as some call it, that can tell them things when it comes to their children. If my dad had told my husband no, I more than likely wouldn’t have married him. Not because I didn’t love him, but because that would have meant my dad saw something I couldn’t.

The article also points out that by asking permission from the dad, that it insinuates that your dad owns you. I disagree on this point as well. It’s all about respect. For the 18 years that I lived with my dad, I was under his roof and his rules. I could have lived there forever and only chose to move out at 18 to go to college. Never in those 18 years did my dad ever “own” me. He was responsible for my well-being, but again, never did he “own” me. By my husband asking my dad, it wasn’t a transfer of property, but rather my dad trusting my husband to take care of me.

Lastly, the article also says that she is a grown-up and she can make her own decisions without her parents. I fully support people making their own decisions. I even let our youngest make decisions on clothing and sometimes what we are going to eat. But when it comes to their futures and their general well-being, I try to help push them in the best direction for them. My dad did the same for me. He helped push me to graduate high school and go to college. He showed me examples of families that were broken and basically begged me to be sure I was in the right relationship before having kids.

Not everything has to be a sexist problem, just like it doesn’t always have to be a black or white problem. Not everything in life needs to be over analyzed to the point that we’re breaking centuries long traditions. There are so many issues that people all over the globe are fighting every day, and whether or not your boyfriend asks your dad about marriage shouldn’t be one of them. In fact, if your boyfriend does ask your dad before you, he’s a keeper. He knows what opinions count and what opinions don’t.

Cover Image Credit: Monica Restrepo

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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I’d Much Rather Celebrate Valentine’s Day With My Single Girlfriends Than Any Guy

Bring on the pizza and ice cream because Valentine's Day is Girls Only this year.

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Being single during any time of the year is difficult, but it can be even harder with Valentine's Day quickly approaching. People either love it or love to hate it. It's a day filled with dramatic romantic gestures, carefully planned dates, and an abundance of roses and chocolates. Well, at least for some it is. The pressure to have a "Valentine" as well as have the perfect evening is so high that in my option it completely takes the fun out of the day. So this Valentine's Day, I won't be stressing over the perfect outfit, restaurant or date. Instead, I'll be deciding if I should have another slice of pizza while my girlfriends try to figure out which cheesy rom-com we should watch next.

I don't hate Valentine's Day, I actually think it's really romantic. I think it's great that some people find happiness in grand gestures and extravagant presents. When I feel about someone strongly enough, I'm sure I'd do the same, but as of right now I don't. I don't want to be someone valentine or worry about finding the perfect gift. I want to focus on myself and just have a fun night with my girls. We worry so much about what everyone has to say about the things we do that often times we don't make any decisions for ourselves. Be a little selfish and do only what you want. Order too much food, break out the wine, and enjoy a stress-free night with the people that mean the most to you.

You will find me on the couch with my sorority sisters most likely catching up on "The Bachelor" or ruining our diets with dollar store sweets. And yes, I know there's an unofficial holiday already called, "Galentine's Day" (which I will be celebrating too) that's for ladies celebrating ladies. Who says you can't do it two nights in a row? Who says that Valentine's Day has to be a day spent with a romantic partner?

This is me telling you to take this day to have some fun and ignore the pressures society (and ourselves) put on ourselves constantly. Surround yourself with the people who support you; the ones who stick around through it all and love you unconditionally. If you still want to stay in the festive mood, you can exchange valentines with your friends and treat each other with chocolate hearts. And if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day with your significant other, go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

So, no matter what Valentine's Day for you is, celebrate it however you want. Dress up to the nines and have the night of your life. Stay in, order takeout, and fall asleep watching a movie. Hang out with your girlfriends, guy friends, or both! It doesn't matter how you do Valentine's Day, but rather who you spend it with.

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