Marry The Man Who Asks Your Dad First

Marry The Man Who Asks Your Dad First

A response to an article stating you shouldn't.
472
views

Recently there was an article floating around on Facebook about how you shouldn’t marry a man if he asks permission from your dad first. At first I thought it was one of those articles that had a misleading title. I thought that maybe I would read it and agree with the opinion after seeing what it was. However, I think I disagree whole heartedly.

The author of the article says that the problem is that “asking for a dad’s permission got a massive historical problem behind it”. It references back to when there were arranged marriages and how women were “traded” for financial gain. While I understand completely the history of this tradition, I disagree that it solely ties back to the historical problem. Some traditions are nice and have more to them than the history behind it.

Six years ago my husband, at the time boyfriend, took my dad to lunch when he thought it was the time to ask me. He talked to my dad for a bit, listened to his opinions and even took some of them into major consideration. It was a simple lunch between two men that happened to love the same woman. In my opinion, it took a lot of nerve to sit down with my dad. He is a friendly person, but when it comes to family and his only daughter, he can come off as a little over protective. And standing at 6’3”, he can be a bit intimidating.

My husband knew that I valued my dad’s opinion immensely. My dad was the first man I ever loved. He was my first friend, my first dance, the first ear I confined in, the first person to show me how a man should treat a woman. If anyone would know whether or not I had met the one, other than me, it would be my dad. Parents have this inner feeling, intuition as some call it, that can tell them things when it comes to their children. If my dad had told my husband no, I more than likely wouldn’t have married him. Not because I didn’t love him, but because that would have meant my dad saw something I couldn’t.

The article also points out that by asking permission from the dad, that it insinuates that your dad owns you. I disagree on this point as well. It’s all about respect. For the 18 years that I lived with my dad, I was under his roof and his rules. I could have lived there forever and only chose to move out at 18 to go to college. Never in those 18 years did my dad ever “own” me. He was responsible for my well-being, but again, never did he “own” me. By my husband asking my dad, it wasn’t a transfer of property, but rather my dad trusting my husband to take care of me.

Lastly, the article also says that she is a grown-up and she can make her own decisions without her parents. I fully support people making their own decisions. I even let our youngest make decisions on clothing and sometimes what we are going to eat. But when it comes to their futures and their general well-being, I try to help push them in the best direction for them. My dad did the same for me. He helped push me to graduate high school and go to college. He showed me examples of families that were broken and basically begged me to be sure I was in the right relationship before having kids.

Not everything has to be a sexist problem, just like it doesn’t always have to be a black or white problem. Not everything in life needs to be over analyzed to the point that we’re breaking centuries long traditions. There are so many issues that people all over the globe are fighting every day, and whether or not your boyfriend asks your dad about marriage shouldn’t be one of them. In fact, if your boyfriend does ask your dad before you, he’s a keeper. He knows what opinions count and what opinions don’t.

Cover Image Credit: Monica Restrepo

Popular Right Now

To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

694503
views

To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Friend I Rarely See Anymore

I wish you nothing but the best.

643
views

When we graduated high school, we thought it was the end for us. The distance would ruin us and we wouldn't be able to call ourselves friends. Thankfully, you were my rock for the first year of school. You were the one I turned to when the adjustment was hard or when I needed someone to talk to and just listen. We never lost our connection for a whole year. We proved that nothing could pull us apart no matter how far the distance, no matter the different schedules. We were still best friends.

Another summer came and we only got stronger. We went on countless beach trips, late night hangouts, and Starbucks runs. I didn't even think it was possible to be this much closer to you than we already were. If we weren't together, we would Snapchat or text to never stop the conversation.

Now summer ended, we didn't think twice about losing our connection this time. We had a bond stronger than anyone could fathom. We once again went our separate ways and kept our texting and Snapchat habits.

But something changed.

It must've been the comfort level of sophomore year. It must've been all the new friends we got. It must have been the boys who entered our lives. We don't speak anymore. I haven't seen you since winter break. I haven't texted you since New Year's Eve. Our connection, one that was once thought to be indestructible, came crumbling down with sophomore year. I am not going to lie, sophomore year was the best of my life, but I knew you were missing the whole time. It wasn't the same without you.

I'm not upset you chose to focus your time and life on your new boyfriend. I am happy for you. I am not upset you spend more time with your school friends. I am happy for you. I am not upset you don't text me anymore and killed our streak. I know you're living a happy life. And I am too.

We may have gone our separate ways like we never imagined, but I am happy you are finally happy. Don't forget for one second that I will always be here for you. I will still always answer your text. I will still always be your shoulder to cry on even when no one else is there for you. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope you're doing ok.

Related Content

Facebook Comments