“Wow, you’re already engaged?” “How old are you?” “Aren’t you worried you guys are going to change?” “You don’t even know yourself yet; how can you expect to know someone else well enough to marry them?”
If you’re young and engaged or young and married, then these questions are probably all too familiar to you.
I’m 21 years old and engaged to the most incredible man in the world. By the time we’re married, I’ll have just turned 22. And apparently, people have a lot to say about that.
It’s interesting to me how there’s this idea that everyone should be free to make their own decisions, unless those decisions go against the standard cultural norm.
In the U.S., the cultural norm is not marriage. People are cohabitating and waiting longer to get married—if they get married at all. Right now, the average ages for men and women to marry are 29 and 27, respectively. Even when people do choose to marry, the divorce rate is sitting right around 50%, so the chances that the marriage will succeed aren’t entirely in their favor.
And yet, knowing all of these facts, knowing that U.S. culture makes young marriage incredibly difficult, some people—including myself—are still choosing to do it.
People have told me that young marriage is impossible. It’s too difficult; we’ll end up wanting different things; we won’t work out, etc. I’ve been told that getting married young is like leaving the best party of the year at 9:00. No fun.
But here’s the thing: getting married young is actually awesome. Because when you leave that party, you get to go home with the most amazing person in the world, watch a movie together, cuddle, eat some popcorn, and fall asleep in their arms. Then the next morning you wake up with them by your side and do it all over again.
Young marriage is beautiful and vibrant because you get to explore your youth with the love of your life. You have the chance to learn new things, go on adventures, and become who you want to be all with the person you love.
I know a lot of people who are afraid of young marriage for fear that they will change and grow apart during their youth, and of course this is valid.
But when two people are rooted in their shared values, beliefs, and core, then no matter how much they grow, they will still grow towards the same point. No matter how much they differ, they will still come back to that point because it’s at the core of their relationship.
I’ve known I wanted to marry my fiancé since the moment I met him. Therefore, waiting for marriage just for the sake of waiting makes no sense to me. If you know you love a person and you want to marry them, then youth itself should be no hindrance.
Young marriage isn’t for everybody, and that’s okay. Marriage isn’t even for everybody, and that’s okay. But we shouldn’t shame those among us who do choose to get married young. We should embrace them and encourage their relationship to grow as they do.
I am so excited to marry my fiancé. I’m excited to start our life together, adventure, cuddle, explore, and grow. I’m excited to start our family. Our young marriage just gives us a little extra time to do all that.
Getting married young is actually awesome, and I’m pretty eager to try it.
