5 Marriage Traditions That Hurts Me As A Woman
Start writing a post
Relationships

5 Marriage Traditions That Hurt Me As A Woman

The origins rather contradict the purpose of a loving marriage and instead derive from a disturbing and horrific tradition.

295
5 Marriage Traditions That Hurt Me As A Woman
Original Photo Courtesy of Karlee Onstad

Marriage: the romantic union of two people that are so in love that they decide to legally bind themselves together till death do they part. Put in such blunt terms, it kind of loses its romantic feel. But that is the point of marriage, right? To express to your lover, your best friend and "your person" that the love you share is unique, special and ever-lasting. Besides, who doesn't enjoy a little love story?

Weddings are a day to celebrate, to cheer, to cry, to smile and to just be gosh darn happy. And, of course, there are the typical wedding traditions that everyone expects and looks forward to, such as the clinking of the glasses to initiate a kiss from the newlyweds, cutting the cake and romantically feeding it to the spouse and, of course, the father-daughter dance that makes the entire crowd weep. They are sweet traditions that make for amazing memories.

But, of course, not all the traditions have such innocent roots. In fact, the origins rather contradict that purpose of a loving marriage and instead derive from a disturbing and horrific tradition, often at the unwilling expense of the woman. Here are just five examples.

1. The Veil

Giphy

The veil, that elegant lace fabric that delicately lays over the bride's head that shimmers over her face and escapes down the back into the beautiful pattern of the pearl white dress. Beautiful and idyllic, right? But, why a veil?

Well, when daughters were a commodity of the family used for profit in arranged marriages, the daughter's face would be covered during the ceremony only to be revealed after they are legally bound, so that the groom would not see the bride's face beforehand and deny the marriage. So, that elegant lace fabric was actually a way to hide the bride so that a family could ensure their payment and the groom couldn't be an asshole and flee.

2. Carrying over the threshold

Tumblr

While yes, it seems to be a fading tradition, everyone still knows what it is and maybe even your mom and dad did it: the cute moment when the husband gracefully carries his new wife in his strong arms through the doorway as the adoring crowd claps and cheers. Yep, just hold those applauds. This tradition dates back to when Sabine Women, from Roman Mythology, were kidnapped and then raped by Roman soldiers. And of course, since these women did not leave willingly, the soldiers would forcibly drag them away, otherwise referred to, carrying them over the threshold.

3. The Honeymoon

Tenor

Arguably the best part of getting married. Those blissful few weeks after you get married during which you get to bask in the sun and the presence of your new spouse. How exciting! That is, until you realize the honeymoon used to be the period the man would hide his kidnapped "bride" until the family stopped looking for her or until she would become pregnant and, therefore, rejected by her family. Which also explains the tradition of consummating the marriage, because once the man got the women pregnant, that marriage would not be objected. Not so blissful anymore.

4. Bride on the left, groom on the right

allwomenstalk

It seems to be less of a tradition, and more of a given at this point. But, why? Well since most people are right-handed, the man would stand on the right side to hold the bride with his left hand and his sword with his left hand. This was either to attack anyone who tried to kidnap the woman or to fight his way out of battle while dragging the kidnapped woman behind him. Terrific.

5. Taking the man’s last name

Typeset

This tradition is taking a turn. Now more than ever, women are keeping their last names instead of taking the man's last name when getting married. (YAY!) But just for the sake of reiterating how important it is for women and men to have a choice on literally changing their identity, let me tell you a quick tale.

A time when women had no power, they were seemingly nothing outside of their marriage. They were forced to rely on their husband for everything, they were not granted any sort of political, economic or personal freedom. And, therefore in the 19th century, English law required women to take their husband's surname, because just denying any form of rights is not enough, they must also renounce their own name.

Although there are multiple origins that contribute to these traditions varying from culture to culture, the fact remains: these marriage traditions came at the sexual, physical and societal expense of the woman. Marriage is beautiful and weddings are spectacular, but it is important to know that when you say, "I do," each partner has an equal and fair representation in the union.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1843
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

303942
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

190567
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

92732
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

286102

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.

172244

Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

114736
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Take A Look At The Extravagant Lane Woods Jewelry Collection For Valentine's Gift Ideas

So if you are currently looking to purchase jewelry for yourself or as a romantic gift for your S.O., you should definitely look at the marvelous and ornately designed Lane Woods Jewelry collection

335093

Just like diamonds are a girl's best friend, so are pearls, rubies, gold, emeralds, and any type of luxurious jewelry you can get your hands on! A woman is incomplete without a piece of jewelry on her and it is a gorgeous accessory required for all occasions. So if you are currently looking to purchase jewelry for yourself or as a romantic gift for your S.O., you should definitely look at the marvelous and ornately designed Lane Woods Jewelry collection.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments