Why the hell did you say “I do?” Do you even remember? Do you even care anymore? You married a woman/man because you truly believed they would be the one to have your back for the rest of your pathetic life. You said “I do” because in your heart you felt it was the right decision. The right man or woman for you, right? What changed?

I can tell you what happens. People get stupid lazy. You don’t want to try anymore, you don’t want to sweep them off their feet, and you stop taking care of yourself. Number one rule is to always take care of yourself first. If you aren’t happy, what makes you think someone will be happy with you?

Time and time again people marry and divorce and it’s become the norm. It’s normal to get a divorce, right? Remember when it was frowned upon? Remember when it wasn’t an option, religiously? People lose consideration and respect for their partners and they forget their vows because they CHOOSE to. They choose to because they got lazy.

For as long as I or anyone can remember, it’s been said that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. People have told me that to try to discourage me from marrying too young or early, but the truth is, marriage is not about love. At first it is, yes, you need to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, and unconditionally attracted to your partner, but there’s a point in every marriage where all that goes out the window (to an extent) and it depends solely on fondness, respect, and of course, commitment.

Your partner won’t look the same next year as they did when you first met them. They won’t have those rock-hard abs or that sexy flat tummy. They will change their appearance as they see fit and if you’re in it just for looks, well friend, you’re going to miss out on that great personality.

I understand how difficult it is to look into your partner’s eyes after a heated argument. You wonder if they still love you or if it’s even worth staying if you’ve been arguing frequently. Marriage is never supposed to be a walk in the park, hell no it’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing you might have to do. The point of the ring is a symbol for commitment. You commit to that person and you’ve just said, hey, challenge accepted.

Remember those dates you used to go on together? Why did that stop? Remember the flowers you used to give her? Why’d you quit? Or the simple romantic dinners and the morning after breakfast in bed? What about the spontaneous sex? You don’t like adventure? I get it, but make an effort and get creative.

Men and women have needs that need equal attention. You go down on him, he goes down on you and then some. In a relationship it’s never supposed to be 50-50. That’s bullshit. It’s supposed to be 100 – 100, all the way. Just because you’ve been married for five years and you know them already and they’ve become predictable doesn’t mean that you stop trying to surprise them or stop being romantic.

You’ve got forever with them, so why not make the most of it? Men, don’t forget to tell your ladies how beautiful they are even if they gained a little weight. So what? I’m pretty sure you did, too. Ladies, get your asses up out of bed and slave in the kitchen every once in a while. Isn’t the key to their heart through their stomachs? If that has changed, please, let me know.

The point here is that marriage is forever and there’s no room for slacking off. Laziness is what kills marriages. When two people feel a divorce is necessary, some of those reasons might be because one or the other has started to exhibit unhealthy behavior.

Have the frequent talks where you let out your feelings. Stop keeping that nonsense bottled up. Men, stop trying to be macho all the damn time and show some of that soft tissue we know you have. You don’t need to go spend your entire bank account on a therapist to fix your problems. Your problems are with each other and it’s up to the two of you to work it out. Advice is fine, but the responsibility of putting in effort is on you and only you.

Wives are the best. We give you sex even when we don’t need it right then and there. We cook even when we don’t feel like it. We clean and pick up all your crap. We give you sons and daughters. We go through excruciating pain for you. We take the dick because we want you to feel powerful. We wear those skimpy and uncomfortable Victoria’s Secret outfits just for you to get a different visual because we don’t want you looking for it elsewhere. The point is, we try.

Men, are amazing. They teach us how to fix things. They make us feel important and needed. They tend to show us off to their friends because they’re proud of the woman they chose. They have penises that do wonders. #doggystyle. They provide for us. They make us feel safe and protected. They give us their seed. They complete our home.

If you get married, you can’t and must refuse to forget why. You married for a reason and you initially gave your word. Doesn’t that mean something anymore?

If you’re cheating, he/she will find out. If you decide to make it work, which you should, build that trust back up because it doesn’t come instantly. If he’s not helping you out with chores, ask him. For some reason we will always need to ask. Don’t be afraid to. If she/he gained an unhealthy amount of weight, that’s okay, get healthy together. If you’re arguing and things have gotten very heated, walk away. Take a damn walk, cool down, and then go back. There’s no need for physical or verbal abuse. It’s unecessary and it doesn’t do anyone any good. Communicate for goodness sake. That’s the main problem I’ve encountered in my own marriage. It does a great deal to sit down and explain why you’re feeling hurt or upset.

I’ve said things here that you would go to a therapist to get. Men and women or whomever you’re with, need to work together to create a bond stronger than steel. Marriage is not a one-man gig, it’s two people trying to achieve the common goal of surviving together on this forsaken planet until the end of time. If everyone keeps getting divorced, no one will be happy. Being single is cool for a bit, but eventually you’ll miss the companionship and it’s necessary to human existence to have a partner.

Your marriage didn’t fail because of him or her. It failed because you neglected to do your part. Everything in life has a balance. We have busy lives and we forget those things, but I’m here to remind you that not everything relies solely on the factor of love. Love is unconditional and a sacrifice, but it’s not enough to hold a marriage together. Some marriages don’t include any love, it’s mere fondness. Two people promising to stick by each other’s side because they rather not do so with anyone else. That’s cool, too, but there is still work to be done.

Your effort matters and it doesn’t take a genius to know it. Stop being lazy and go work things out. Your marriage depends on you.