Growing up your parents always tell you that you should graduate high school, go to college, and get a good job. Only then should you worry about finding someone to spend your life with. They also said don't take high school relationships too seriously because they probably wouldn't be the one you ended up with. Most of the time this is true, most people don't end up marrying their high school sweetheart. Well what happens when you do? What happens when you get married young?
Adults will tell you that young marriages rarely work out, you aren't old enough or mature enough to understand what it takes to be married. Well I'm going to be honest with you, they aren't exactly wrong.
I got married at 21, my wife was only 20. She was in the Navy and we had only been living together about six months when we tied the knot. However, we had known each other for years. We had had a relationship for about 10 months in middle school but I wasn't ready to come out that I liked women at the time and we were young so it didn't work out. We stayed friends for a long time and even kissed a few times over the years. After we both left high school and she joined the Navy and I had dropped out of college we reconnected and bonded over our heartbreak we were going through. After a year of a long distance, on and off relationship we finally made the decision for me to to move to Florida where she was stationed and to get an apartment together. Less than two months later we were engaged and four months after that we were married. We were told several times by many people that we were stupid for marrying so young and that it wouldn't work. We fought against everyone and did it anyway. At first it felt like nothing had changed since we had lived together anyway, the only difference was my last name. After a few months we realized things had changed a little bit.
Marriage. Is. Hard. I will repeat that for anyone who needs to read it again, marriage is really freaking hard. When you fight it doesn't matter how mad you are you can't just break up. You can't walk away, you can't leave the other person. Communication is key in marriage, and at the tender age of 21 we didn't really have communication figured out just yet. There were a lot of things we didn't quite have figured out. However, we have now been married for going on three years and I have a few things I want to share with young people who want to get married. Read till the end, I promise it will be worth it.
1. You aren't always going to get along
Thats right, you won't always get along. Whether its because you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or because its a certain time of the month or maybe even something they said rubs you the wrong way, whatever it is, you may fight from time to time.
2. Sometimes you need your space, and thats okay.
Sometimes you need a little space from each other and thats okay. It doesn't mean you love each other any less, it doesn't mean you don't like spending time together. It just means that you need your own space. Whether you go out with friends or just go sit in another room at read a book or watch TV. Just because you need a few minutes alone doesn't mean your marriage is in danger.
3. Your spouse will probably annoy you sometimes.
Being married means you spend a lot of time together and you learn each others buttons so to say. Or maybe one of you is in a bad mood and the other is tapping their foot loudly or chewing with their mouth open. Its ok to tell them they are annoying you, I am sure you do something that annoys them too.
4. If you can't communicate you're going to have problems.
Communication has been a hard one for us to manage. You have to learn how to tell your spouse how you feel and if something bothers you. If you are upset about something tell them, if something they do upsets you, tell them. Tell them. Tell them. Tell them. Don't bottle your feelings up and let them explode at the wrong time, talk about whatever problems you're having, they are your lifeline, your rock, your other half. Let them help you with whatever your problems are.
5. Living together isn't like the movies.
Movies portray living together as this perfect little life. Making pancakes in the mornings, having dinner at the table every night, agreeing on which show to watch on TV, falling asleep cuddled together in a perfect spoon position. I am not saying these things can't or won't happen but they don't happen every day. Depending on work and/or school schedules your breakfast or dinner times might not always be the same. You may cuddle for a little bit but I can almost guarantee you wake up on opposite sides of the bed. You may have a couple of shows you like to watch together but the nights those shows aren't on it can be all out war deciding what to watch together. It isn't always perfect and thats okay.
6. Sometimes you may want to give up.
Sometimes you may come home from work after having a long hard day and the house is a mess or theres underwear on the bathroom floor or toothpaste on the mirror. There may be dishes in the sink and they may have forgotten to lay out the chicken for dinner. Maybe he leaves the toilet seat up or she leaves her bobby pins all over the bathroom counter. You may want to run away, you may want to call it quits. You may want to give up on it and forget it all. Just take a deep breath and calm down. Once you're married you can't just walk away anymore. You can't just move back home and cry for a few days and be over it like you did in high school. You're in it for the long haul now and sometimes that is really hard to grasp at first.
7. There is no better feeling than waking up next to your best friend.
Even when numbers 1-6 happen, even when theres underwear on the floor and dishes in the sink and bobby pins on the counter, even when you fight over what you want for dinner or what you want to watch on TV, even when they hog the blankets or drool on your pillow, even when you have screaming matches over money at 3 in the morning, even when it feels like you won't make it through whatever hurdle you're going through you will still fall asleep and wake up staring into the eyes of your best friend. Sometimes you have to take a breather and walk away to calm down and thats okay. In the end you know you get to spend the rest of your life with someone so special. Someone who makes your heart race and who never stops giving you the butterflies.
Like I said, marriage is hard, but learning how to navigate life together has been one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. I wouldn't trade our adventures together for the world. Even when it feels like we may not make it through something I know that I will always have my amazing and beautiful wife by my side and that makes everything else worth it. Marriage at a young age isn't always easy, but loving someone through all their flaws is more than worth it. Have the late night tickle fights, eat the cake at 3 am together, go on adventures, travel the world. Whether you get married at 20 or 45 it doesn't matter, you will always find the hard things and you will always find the things that make the hard ones seem like they never happen. Love fiercely, feel the butterflies, be happy. You deserve it.
