My silver heels sank into the soft muddy ground as I watched the pallbearers unfold the flag around my son's casket. This was the very moment I had hoped and prayed I would not have to encounter when my son told his father and me that he was going to enlist with the Marine Corps. There are no words I can think of to describe burying your child. As I watched the men lower my baby into the ground, memories of the past 24 years sailed through my mind.
Growing up, Matthew was always a sweet, well-mannered, typical boy. No matter what gender, age, or race, people were always drawn to him because of his encouraging and positive spirit. Years ago, at my father's funeral, seeing me cry Matthew comforted me with, "Mom, without rain gardens cannot harvest, roses cannot bloom, and without life's rain I could not grow strong." Ironically, now those words will comfort me again. He would try his best to be there for anyone he thought needed help, including his country. He stood tall and proud, happy to defend and protect America, yet now he lies lifeless before me because of a never-ending war.
I also couldn't help but remember a silly child's game I would play with Matthew when he was little. We would both have a piece of Bubblicious bubblegum and see who could blow the biggest bubble that held through the phrase, "Bubblegum, bubblegum, bubblegum. Pop!" Just like the bubble that suddenly disappeared, my angel had vanished also.
Thinking back to when we last said goodbye, all I can do is continue to cry. In a perfect world death, sadness, heartache, and war would not exist. Sadly, that perfect world will never be true; or perhaps it could be the world that awaits us when our soul departs this earth. A grand place where everlasting joy is found in Heaven's eye. I will cling to this hope and know that in God's perfect timing I'll join Matthew in the flawless world above.
As I reopen my eyes, I see the dirt being shoveled on the top of the casket, filling in the hole. If only those heaps of dirt could fill the hole now in my heart. As the last shovel of earth is sealing Matthew's new home six feet below the ground, I feel myself moving without thought. I flung myself at the ground where he lay, piercing sobs cascading from the lips that once kissed my child goodnight. I could feel people all around me trying to soothe me and talk to me, but all I could hear was the repeated phrase in my racing mind: "Bubblegum, bubblegum, bubblegum. Pop!"
