This weekend I went back to a place which I hadn't visited for a few years. It felt strange at first, as different barriers of time collided one into the other, and then, suddenly, it was like I had never left it. I'm not the same anymore, and neither is the house nor the city; yet, there's such a strong connection between my present self and the self who was here before. The little things - a coat or a bag that is still the same after many years, a painting that is still on the same wall - pull me back to who I was in that moment, in this exact spot, and I have to face the power of Change, stronger than ever.
Heraclitus already said: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” I agree, but there's a moment, short and dizzy, when time ceases to matter and the You of now could perfectly be the You of before. Maybe everything in between was just an illusion, and you are still the same. It's something I always feel after a trip, as if the period you spent away from home, although still accessible through memory, lives only in a pocket universe, not having used any of your timeline. The difference now was that I hadn't been away for a week-long trip, and the changes produced in me were much more significant.
Everyday we learn something new, everyday we wake up a different someone than we were before. These selves are spread throughout our entire life course and we step into them all the time, just living our routine; sometimes, though, when revisiting a special place or wearing a clothing full of memories, a more significative one might show up. When it happens, a ghost of the sensation you felt back then comes back to you, be it to haunt or to cheer. Some people will wish nothing had changed, others that this particular self didn't exist, or even, more joyfully, that this ancient self knew the good changes that were to come. But the truth is, your own present self wouldn't be real if all of the others hadn't existed, and though Change might be hard to look upon, it's the most effective inciter of Growth.
When I encountered a strong self this weekend, I was taken back in time. I believe that we should always be able to connect with our younger selves, as it's a way to find out what in us is inherent and immutable, but it's just as important to be able to spot some differences, indicating that you have grown. Reviving the Me of a few years ago, I seemed to forget how much I had changed, which was dangerous. Time, after all, is not a collection of insurmountable barriers but a succession of windows, and to fall through them is easier than it seems. Each self has the key to one window, and although it might be fun to visit some of them, it's not healthy to stay there for a long time, even less to loose hold of the self you are right now. I had, then, to pull myself up, a string of conscience fishing the ever-falling Me. I raised the important questions - "what do I know now that I didn't know before?", "what new people have I met?", " what new places have I seen?" - and a brand-new, full-living self was left behind, ready to be revived the next time I came back.
In every action, in every decision we make, we leave a self behind. In a way, we are recreating ourselves every second, and the moment we stop having something new to tell our previous selves, we stop changing, we stop growing. Sometimes we might think that we don't want it, to change and to grow, and reviving ancient selves fills us with a reassuring feeling that indeed we have not. It is an illusion, though, for Change is inevitable, and it's only a proof that we Live. Change comes from learning, and how incredibly dull would it be if we didn't have anything new to tell our previous selves every day?
As tempting as it is to ignore Time, I know now that to walk into one of our selves is not an opportunity to revive the past, but a chance to talk to a previous You, and maybe learn something new from it. The windows of time are there so we can share information, and the best way to do it is to keep track of the selves we leave behind, not ignoring the changes they went through. From time to time, pin one of them and, no matter if you are happy or sad, needing advice or wanting to give some, remember it - listen to what it has to say, what thoughts were going through its mind, and tell it a couple of stories. Appreciate Change. That is what my present self is telling me now and, in case I start thinking differently in the future, I will pin it and have a very proper, fruitful conversation.
