Panel discussions are a common thing in the Atlanta University Center (AUC). One such panel, entitled "Man or Mitch?" happened on November 5, 2015 at Spelman's campus. It was hosted by the student organization called Kings of Queens AUC, an organization committed to promoting excellence by developing and mentoring youth (particularly young men) to succeed both academically and socially. The panelists were all students of the AUC who posed questions regarding the present actions of our men, young and old, and their treatment towards women.
The Panelists and President of Kings of Queens AUC
(from left to right): Chris Clip, Charlie Wiley, Brianna Baker, Jawuan Johnson, Ayana Swanson (President of KofQ), Justin Brookes, Maada Thomas, Austin Easterling, and Jasmin Eatman
The word "mitch" became mainstream because of comedian, Kevin Hart, who popularized the phrase on his show "The Real Husbands of Hollywood." Hart defines a mitch as a male who behaves in the way a woman is typically expected to behave, which I have translated in a more appropriate tone than his comedic definition. Since the debut of his show, the word has continued to be used as an entertaining way to distinguish what makes a real man. Mr. Hart calls it the most "brilliant thing" he has ever done in his life.
The panel discussion started out with huge reactions from the fully packed crowd as soon as the following featured questions were asked:
How do you feel about the 50/50 rule in relationships? Should men pay for the first date? Do you believe chivalry is dead within the AUC or in men in general? Are men becoming more dependent on women as women continue to grow in the world economically, socially, and politically?
Questions were even proposed through Twitter from the crowd as the hashtag #ManOrMitch was promoted throughout the event.
Each panelist took his/her turn answering the questions in no specific order, and the answers generally led to further discussions regarding the gender roles society has constructed within us. Meaning, we have all forced ourselves to believe how a man is suppose to treat a woman and how a woman is expected to react to that treatment as we define masculinity and femininity.
For example, when asked, "Should men pay for the first date?" The majority of the panel responded with the answer of yes. However, a male student from the crowd asked, "What will women do in return after men continue to pay for these dates or at what point in a relationship will women begin to pay for dates?" Most of the women reacted with much disagreement to the question in general because "It's a man's job to treat the woman, if he is pursuing her," as a crowd participant blurted out.
Panelist, Brianna Baker, interjected by asking, "Why do we have to follow these gender constructions? The answers you all are giving are merely examples of what society has told you is acceptable for a man and woman to do."
A woman crowd participant responded, "Doing things for your partner should come from the heart, and it should be something natural. It shouldn't be something that's done with the expectations of getting things in return. If my boyfriend is tired or he's been treating me quite often, I'll take him out with my money with no problem just to show my appreciation." And according to a twitter participant,
The conversation moved further as the panelists were asked about the importance publicizing relationships on social media has became over time. Panelist, Charlie Wiley, stated, "I think social media plays a tremendous role in relationships today. We have all of these acronyms such as #WCW and #MCM that we participate in, but they don't really mean anything unless that's something you value in your relationship. I prefer a private love life because it definitely keeps any drama down." The other panelists also agreed with Mr. Wiley "because social media comes with temptations."
Overall, the answer to all of the questions asked were based on the values and norms a person may have been taught from his/her own individual families and culture backgrounds. It's a matter of equal responsibility in relationships and the interactions we have with one another. Men and women behave in the same way and our relationships can only be characterized based on our partners. After all,
The panel ended on a note by senior Morehouse Student, Mr. Austin Easterling, with a self-proclaimed quote that stated, "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they aren't loving you with all they have." Therefore, It's not about being a man or a mitch. It's about understanding what love is, how to show love unconditionally, and expecting more from yourself as a person than living up to generalizations about gender. Love is what you make it.
So, what's your definition of a man or a mitch? Do you see yourself abiding by these gender roles that society has instilled within us? Do you see yourself characterizing your roles in relationships based on the media and the interpretations of others? Comment below.
