I've always described myself as the type of girl who never has trouble getting a boyfriend. Now, before you dismiss me as cocky and full of myself, I'd encourage you to read on. Since I entered the dating game at the age of fourteen, I've had a various and strange array of boyfriends. I dated the soccer player, the actor, the drummer, the farm boy, and everyone in-between. After twelve failed attempts at finding "Mr. Right", I started to lose hope, as one might naturally do. It wasn't until my fall semester of Sophomore year of college till I started to gain hope again.
I met a guy in my education class. He was tall, dark and handsome; or at least, that's how he described himself. When I first met him, I will admit, I was taken back by how beautiful he was. Never in all my years of dating had someone as good looking as him been interested in a girl like me. He grew up in a rural town with nothing but a bar, a church, and a hardware store to call their own. His dream was to one day be a Soldier, and school was simply his vehicle to get there. Now I'll admit , I never imagined myself with a soldier, but there was something so intriguing about him, I had to learn more.
I spent four whole months by his side. They were not the most exciting months, but there was something genuine about what we had. Things were going well between us, until the last three weeks of our relationship. The man I knew to be loving and kind, started to change. He went from lifting me up with his words, to bringing me down by not talking to me. When I looked for a hug, he would combat it with a handshake. I felt as though I was straining, fighting an uphill battle just to get a "hello". Our conversations weren't genuine, but forced, and my plutonic friends treated me better than he was.
This got me thinking...is all of this worth it? He was by far the most beautiful man I'd ever dated, had the best family in the world; yet I felt as though I was constantly giving of my energy and love, and getting absolutely nothing in return. Once I meditated on this fact, I took it upon myself to end our relationship. I knew that I had so much to offer a relationship, and sadly he didn't see that. So, I did the only thing I could think of; which was to end the turmoil I was under.
The point of this story is not to make you feel sorry for me, nor is it meant to spotlight the plight of my ex boyfriend. Breaking up with that soldier boy was one of the best decisions I ever made. It made me realize that I've been chasing after men hoping that they'll find value in me, when the only person who can can determine my value is me. I have a big heart, that loves and cares unconditionally. When I am in a relationship, I give of myself without even thinking twice because my significant other means that much to me. However, a man who doesn't realize that a woman like that is worth every moment spent with her, is no man at all. That soldier made me realize I am worth someone who will love me like I love him, who will be my equal, who will support me in successes, and hug me in failures. It's sad that it took a breakup to realize that I am valuable and worth something.
So, If you see me, I'll be chilling in a coffee shop, working out, and going out on Friday nights alone. But don't feel bad for me; instead, salute me. For in all my years I've never felt more worth the time.
"In 900 years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important" -The Doctor.
